Today I woke up with a migraine. No actually today I woke up with my jaw clenched, because of a weird dream I had last night… seems to the be the norm for my time here so far… and knew that the inevitable migraine would be coming soon. Every time I clench my jaw at night one is bound to come my way, and sure enough soon after I got out of bed and ventured downstairs in order to make breakfast my head was pounding and my eyes were squinty in their attempt to avoid light.
So.. I grabbed a giant cup of water, some ibuprofen and went back to bed, or at least went back to laying in bed.
some times its hard to see for yourself what you need.
but the Lord is faithful.
ha I needed a day of being debilitated.
I needed a day of my mind not wanting to think for itself, and that came through a migraine.
This morning I also woke up to a message from my teammate about this book John Piper wrote called Momentary Marriage, you can currently download it for free, and when I went downstairs for breakfast everyone was watching a video about a couple (you can watch it: here) that shared their testimony and how the book had impacted them. My short summary is that the book is about how marriage was created from the beginning to be a representation of Christ's covenant with the church, and it gave me a lot to mull over today as I was stuck at home.
It helped reveal a lot of things.
I am selfish
I like being a picture of myself, that I've created
I have a high value for my individuality and independence
I often don't see the best in people, unless they've shown me the best
I often don't believe in the best for people… I'm a skeptic
I'm dramatic and unrelenting… in the wrong ways sometimes
I have a stubborn will
I hold to unwarranted fears
I don't trust
I'd rather just not face some hard things
I hold to idealist principles instead of living in the vision of God
I am unloving, ungracious, and unsubmissive
And this is when I think most of the time, I / we follow these statements with:
"Good thing we serve a gracious and merciful God, who loves us no matter what"
but today I also realized that in that we miss something. If all we let follow our conviction is the comfort that God still loves us no matter what, we miss out on the repentance and fullness of life that comes from realizing that God is worthy of more than I give him, or have given him lately
He is worthy
of my selfless thoughts and acts
of creating a better picture of who I am
of my union with and dependence on him
of my belief in the best, because he has shown me the best and been the best
of my dramatic and unrelenting love… nothing else
of leading me in the right way
of my trust
of my fearlessness in the face of trials
of my living sacrifice and life being a representation of his love
of my loving, gracious, submission
Thank the Lord for migraines and days like these. Thank the Lord that there is more to everything than what we see, feel, or acknowledge, and that he is faithful to revealing those things. Praise him because he is faithful, because he is gracious and merciful, and because he is love. Obey him because he is worthy, obey him because he knows best, obey him because he believes in the best for us and in us, and obey him because his love compels such action.
"Blessed are you when you loose
your Own identity
Then blessed when you find it
And it has been redeemed."
-mike crawford & his secret siblings
words to build a life on
