After writing my last blog I’ve thought some more about that kind of love which I talked about. I’ve thought about that kind of love that is worthy of trust no matter what the circumstances may be, the kind which is unwavering and consistent, the kind that we find in the Lord. And as I’ve mulled it all over, I have over and over again thought to myself… His love is, but is your love trustworthy?
I thought about this a lot actually during my last week or so in Rwanda. I honestly in the midst of those weeks had a time when I broke down in tears after realizing the ways in which I was failing at loving my teammates. And what’s more was that as I was failing in those ways, because I was deemed their team leader, I realized I was also leading them into my lack of love. I saw the way that I loved them, affecting the way that they loved each other and me. I hated what I saw and was filled with remorse over what I was realizing.
My love in the time leading up to that had been completely conditional and lazy, dependent on my mood and the circumstances. I did not want to fight for people’s growth in the Lord, I did not believe the best of them when they would hurt me, I just wanted them to fit in and follow the rules, and I did not want to get into the mess of heart issues or have grace with those things. My love could not be trusted at all. So basically in those moments I was not living in the fullness of what Christ has given me. I was choosing to settle for mediocre forms of love and relationship because it seemed less taxing or easier. What I realized was it’s true… that kind of love is easier as it requires very little effort or change, but it’s also way less fulfilling and will inevitably lead to the death of any relationship involved.
It’s not the kind of love that I’ve received from the Lord and it’s not the kind of love that He entrusted me with so that I could love these women and all the people we are meeting out here in this crazy world. He has nothing to do with that kind love. Even though we can seem like we are living a life that is for Him, if that is the way that we love He is not at the core of our hearts and His way is not the way we are following. It’s all for nothing if we do not love the way He loves. If our love cannot be trusted despite all circumstances that might seemingly hinder it, then we are not displaying His love.
He loved me in the midst of my mess and fought for my heart first, challenging and changing my behaviors only after my heart had been changed. It was never a matter of changing what I do, but always has been a matter of changing who I believe I am. No matter how many times I fail, He never makes me feel like a failure. No matter how many times I forget about Him, He never forgets about me. No matter how many times I ignore Him, He never ignores me. He holds no grudges against me and every day I awake to His renewed mercies. He looks past what I am doing and sees who He made me to be, and calls me into that greatness. He never gives up on me and no matter how tough the love has to be, He is always willing to speak a rebuke to me. He is not afraid of my response. He loves me enough not to let me live in less than He has to offer.
This is the kind of love I need to give others, whether it is requited or not. It is a love that is fearless, unrelenting, and trustworthy. Is this the kind of love that you give? Can your love be trusted?
