Anyone who knows me pretty well knows it’s a dream of mine to be a foster parent. Well this past week and a half I got to sample what that would really be like. I woke up every morning at 530 or 6 and got myself ready. Then at 7 I walked to the transition home. It’s a house that’s part of the ministry here in Honduras. The purpose of the house is to take in young children and babies until they can find them a long term foster family or get them adoptive homes. Everything is set up like a family setting. Rachel is the foster mom for the children that live in the transition home.
My job was to help Rachel with house work. I thought it seemed simple enough. I cleaned the bathrooms everyday, did laundry, washed the dishes, and kept everything tidy. One day as I was mopping the floor, joy hit me like a ton of bricks. I suddenly imagined myself doing this everyday. Cleaning the house and looking after little ones. I couldn’t stop smiling at this thought. I felt very much at home. Like everything I was doing was exactly what I was supposed to be doing.
Every moment I spent at Rachel’s house was sprinkled with a happy wistful feeling. I smiled to myself as I paired up teeny little socks and folded pint sized shirts. I enjoyed looking at the birch trees Jen and Karly painted on the nursery walls. Every Lego I sanitized was cleaned out of love. I enjoyed every minute I was there and started to think how easy it was; how I could do this for the rest of my life.
The next day while the children were napping Rachel asked if I would be ok being alone with them. She asked me to feed them snack at 3pm if they woke up before she got back from shopping. I thought that seemed simple enough. I told her I would be fine and would watch after the kids. Shortly after Rachel left, the oldest who is 2 woke up. I went to get Hosanna out of her crib but it was too late, she woke the other 3 children up too. The youngest, Lily, had a leaky diaper. Alejandro screamed in his crib, while Kaleb quietly cooed to himself. Lily needed my attention ASAP. I snatched her up trying not to ignore the others but also trying not to get her mess on me or anything else.
That was the moment I needed to learn that parenting is not easy. I was trying to change Lily while she was trying to crawl out of my arms. Alejandro was still screaming and I was screaming on the inside. This is embarrassing to admit but I have never changed a diaper before so I was struggling to figure out what size to put on Lily and how to not get poop on everything. I had never felt so stressed and so incapable in my life. There were 4 babies and 3 of them wanted my attention and the one that needed it the most didn’t want to cooperate.
Hosanna was watching me change Lily. I had to keep my cool. “God please help me” I whispered. There was no way I could do this on my own. Especially with the very little experience I have with toddlers. After what felt like a 20 minute struggle I got Lily changed and all the little ones lined up at the snack table. I sat them all down and fed them banana slices. I felt so relieved. That’s when I realized no matter how hard or frustrating a task may be, God will never give me something I can’t handle. Rachel left her children in my care because she knew I would look after them. She knew, like God knew, I would care for them no matter how much they screamed, wiggled, and pooped on everything. Certainly not an ideal parenting situation, but I’m sure Rachel has seen worse.
Overall, I’ve learned that I am good enough because God gives me strength. That I can complete any task God throws at me. That even though I felt like a failure in the moment I did indeed show love to those children even if Lily’s diaper was on wrong and even if Hosanna had to wait a little longer for snack time. It was done in love.
