Aban•don•ment (n) – to cease from maintaining, practicing or using; to leave behind
Five months ago I became obsessed with packing for the Race. I would search the internet for hours for packing blogs and videos of previous and current Racers, looking for the longest and most detailed lists of clothing, toiletries, electronics, can’t Race withouts.
I printed the lists I found and edited them to my liking, made checklists of what I had, what I needed and what I definitely wanted to take with me. Most of the items in the can’t Race without section were things that would make me more comfortable, feel closer to home and make living in third world countries a little easier. Some of those items included a quick-dry robe, a pocket shower and a butterfly chair. I spent hours adding everything to my registry, finding the best deals online and choosing the prettiest colors.
Then Training Camp happened.
As I mentioned in my last blog, God really showed me that surrendering is going to be a huge part of my Race.When He filled my heart with joy the night He asked me to surrender my sleeping bag during Training Camp, I didn’t know what He was beginning to prepare me for.
Jesus revealed to me that living with less and fully depending on Him alone for warmth opens my heart and allows me to grow more intimate with Him. I asked God for more of that and He began teaching me about abandonment.
He taught me about abandoning material items and emotional baggage. He told me to leave what I didn’t need at home, to depend on Him to provide for all that I lacked. He said He will take care of me and protect me and told me to knock down the walls I’ve built up; to fully let go of the regrets and grudges and move forward in His promise.
After days of praying and asking God what to leave behind, He made it clear that He wanted me to leave my tent behind.
“My tent, God? That’s the only ‘room’ I can call my own all year.”
“Leave your tent,” He said.
“Okay, God. Then who do I ask to share their tent with me?”
There are three girls on my team but Katie is married, so I knew she would share a tent with her husband. That left Amber and Kelsey. I spent a couple days praying for God to reveal which one of them He wanted me to ask. They’re both awesome girls so I wouldn’t have minded either way, but I wanted to make sure God chose who.
A few days later He answered very clearly. I was supposed to ask Kelsey.
Being on a team with Kelsey is great. She reminds me of my sisters, whom were very hard to leave behind. She shares a name with my sister Kelsie, and she acts very similar to my sister Faith. They’re both very goofy and take the worst, unexpected pictures of everyone around them.
It’s a pretty great characteristic to have if you ask me.
Anyways, I talked to Kelsey about what God had laid on my heart and asked her to pray about it. She agreed to pray and a couple days later she sent me a picture of a journal entry she had written a few days before.
In the journal, she wrote that she hadn’t been a cheerful giver. Following that was a prayer to Christ, telling Him that she wanted to detach from her things and give generously. Along with that journal she sent, she said, “It’s funny because I wrote this in my journal a couple days ago and basically asked God for an opportunity to find joy in sharing my stuff, With that being said, I would love to share my tent with you.”
God’s so cool. I know it wasn’t a coincidence that He was working in both of us — enabling an opportunity for so much growth.
I left home without a tent, but I still had a pack full of clothes, toiletries and more than 150 letters from home.
Having a full pack filled me guilt me since I headed to Atlanta for launch. But God has taught me that abandonment doesn’t have to be all at once. Sometimes, abandonment happens over time — and I believe that’s okay, as long as you’re open to losing the baggage.
What in your life do you think God may be asking you to abandon? If you’re unsure, I encourage you to ask Jesus to show you and then learn to live without.
With love,
Racquel
