Disclaimer: Some of the content in this blog is not suitable for children. Some harsh realities are released in the mention of lives that I am currently working with.
It’s easy for many nonbelievers to claim there is no God because if there was, why would bad things happen to good people?
Many Christians turn from Christianity to atheism due to horrific events that they just can’t understand how a just God would allow it.
Then there are the Christians that just flat out struggle with the idea that God isn’t doing shit about evil.
That last one is me.
I came to Honduras with an open mind and heart not knowing what I was exactly getting for ministry. I walked through a huge metal gate not knowing the depths of emotions I would feel within these walls. I had no idea I was going to struggle to understand the goodness and power of God.. the World Race has been going great! God is good and God is faithful, what would have to happen to change that?!
This ministry would have to happen.
In a small village in Honduras we live and work at a home for women and children victims of abuse, rape and incest. We heard about the mission, we heard about the justice they provide, we heard about the constant work to fight a world of corruption in Honduras. Little did I know that I would first had see a lot more.
First day of ministry and the schedule says “client ministry”. Okay, what does this look like? Kayla and I go in to do art therapy with two young clients that have just arrived. Moments before going into the classroom with them we learn their names and find out why they are here. E, a beautiful sixteen year old, had been rescued from her family where she was being raped by her father for many years. R, a shy fourteen year old, had been rescued from her family where her grandfather had raped her for many years.
I sat across the table looking into these two young pair of eyes. Silence. I tried to smile at them. E gave a hesitant glimpse of what could be a smile while R broke the eye contact and her head fell to the ground.
Seriously, God? I have a few problems right now… the first being these girls have gone through more than I could ever imagine, more than I pray I or anybody goes through! Second, me… a blessed 23 year old American who has lived in the wealthiest top percent in the world …. what am I possibly going to bring to them?!
The session went on and we made bracelets while music played in the background and every smile given was never returned.
We have continued with client ministry and stories of their past’s have unraveled with time. Here are brief summaries of what my heart has had to find peace with.
A, an energetic and intelligent eight year old, a product of incest because his mother was raped by her father. No longer wanted by his mother, he has been left here and a few short months she will have to decide whether to give up her rights to him for adoption.
D, the sassiest four year old you ever will see, left for dead in the woods immediately after being born. A stranger found her a few hours later half blue and placenta still attached. She had come here where a nurse and a World Race team worked around the clock for two weeks to get her to be fully functioning.
C, a girl with the the cutest curls, raped by her father at 16 months. She was brought here unable to talk and with calloused wrist. Her calloused wrists were from sucking on them because she was not able to suck on her thumb as child, her parents tied her up because they did not want to deal with her.
A&K, a six and four year old sister, father was thrown in jail for abuse. Their mother died 10 short months later, unable to provide or have means to survive their fourteen year old sister sold them to men for sex.
M, a hard working eighteen year old, was given to a stepfather when her mother did not want to provide a child for him. At the age of twelve she became pregnant by rape after many years of sexual abuse.
Maybe you’ve paused reading… many it took you many moments to get here. This reality is tough to swallow. My reality with these clients are the dark side of ministry, the side that society sweeps under a rug because it’s “embarrassing” and “shameful”. As I lay down at night and hear the children running around the house and laughing, I talk to God.
I ask Him, “How could you possibly allow this evil to happen? And if you don’t allow it to but it does why don’t you do anything about it?”, I’m frustrated.
Why is God not doing shit about evil? Why does He always seem to fall silent in the midst of the worst.
Does he lack existence? Goodness? Power?
We have four options when considering evil and God:
1. He doesn’t exist
2. He does exist, he has power but just doesn’t care – not good
3. He does exist, he does care but he doesn’t have power – no power
4. He does exist, he does care and he has power, he is doing something about it and plans to do more about it
C.S. Lewis once said, “My argument against God was that the universe seemed so cruel and unjust. But how had I got this idea of just and unjust? A man does not call a line crooked unless he has some idea of a straight line. What was I comparing this universe with when I called it unjust?”
Objective evil presupposes objective good. Objective good presupposes a standard outside ourselves which universally establishes what is good.
We can view the world in a Naturalist world view, where you’re faithful to a world that just is or you can view it as a Christian world view, where everything is objectively evil because He made us in His image.
God is the perfect pre objective good and evil is just the absence of good.
I had to be reminded that us, as humans let sin into the world, the fall of man in Genesis 3 brought about corruption, pride, lust, greed, selfishness and hatred. Adam and Eve had love at their core and God made them in His image and that was good. They had the ability to reject God’s love, the ability to take the temptations of the serpent because forced love is not real love. Hence, God didn’t create evil.
I’m seeing that my perceptions are only causing me to see the bad but what about all the good that He does. How many airplanes take off and land on a daily basis, how many people have safely made it to their destination while they were texting and driving, how many examples of His goodness go unnoticed?
There is no reason every day shouldn’t be hell for each and every one of us on this Earth. BUT!!!! God loves us and instead of punishing us from letting evil into the world He pressed into our pain!!!! He sent His one and only son to die for ALL of us. He can bring beauty from brokenness and He can find purpose behind pain. He is there with us while we cry and while we are hurt.
Tim Keller said, “If you have a God great and transcendent enough to be mad at because he hasn’t stopped evil and suffering in the world then you have at the same moment a God great and transcendent enough to have good reason for allowing it to continue that you can’t know. Indeed you can’t have it both ways.”
In the end we are going to get what we want! God’s promise to us is that He will come and take over the world and banish the dark for good. He gave us the resurrection and He said He’ll come again to conquer evil, sin and death. He will reverse the fall of man.
Revelation 21: 1-5 “Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,” for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”
I don’t look at the clients as ones who have suffered but I look at them as children of God that have incredible redemption stories.
Within a few sessions of art therapy E and R were dancing around, constantly smiling and asking me for new projects. Their joy was contagious, my heart was happy and they had hope in their eyes for the future ahead.
2 Peter 3:9 “The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness.”
There is love here at this ministry. There is a great beauty that will come from so much brokenness.
I might still question my God sometimes, I might still not understand why bad things happen to good people, I may still get frustrated at the evil that is in this world but I know who my God is, I know who I am, I know I can trust him in these moments and I can look past temporary pain to see the glory of the future promises.
Much love,
Rachel
