“While walking by the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon (who is called Peter) and Andrew his brother, casting a net into the sea, for they were fisherman. And he said to them, ‘Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.’ Immediately they left their nets and followed him. And going on from there he saw two other brothers, James the son of Zebedee and John his brother, in the boat with Zebedee their father, mending their nets, and he called them. Immediately, they left the boat and their father and followed him.” (Matthew 4:20-22)
“Then Jesus told his disciples, ‘If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.’” (Matthew 16:24)
“Jesus said to him, ‘If you would be perfect, go, sell what you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.’” (Matthew 19:21)
These verses have always made me uncomfortable. Give up everything? Leave my family? Do I love Jesus that much? I didn’t (and honestly still don’t) like to think about it.
This past month, and especially this weekend, have given me a taste of what it means to jump head-first into what God has for me- even if it means leaving my family, friends, and everything that is comfortable behind for a short while.
Something that one of the speakers today said really stuck with me: “Jesus you get for free- Christ will cost you everything.”
This past month has been full of goodbyes, and they have been hard. All of them culminated to this last weekend where I said goodbye to my family.
Feeling this hurt has given me a glimpse of what these verses encompass and I am SO thankful the father has been gracious enough to allow me to hurt for his sake. Why? Because what God has for me is so much greater. He has so much for my family in my absence and He has so much to teach me on this journey.
For someone who usually pushes emotions to the wayside, I have cried more this past month than I have in years. And honestly, it’s the most freeing thing I’ve experienced in a while. God is teaching me that it is good to feel, even if those emotions are hard or sad- He offers healing and peace. Jesus knew what it was like to cry. He had human emotions. We are made in God’s image! How beautiful it is that we get to mirror the father’s image with all of the emotions He has gifted us to feel.
My family is back home and will return to their “normal” lives, but I know that God is already working in their hearts as He has been working in mine. I am so excited to see how he transforms us both over these next 11 months. Let’s get it.
I leave for Panama on Tuesday!!!!! EEEEK!
