“Suck it up. Get over it.”
Unless someone died or you had a really bad break up or were severely injured, I did not think there was a reason to cry. But something happened when I came on the World Race. I’ve written about this in other blogs, but basically, I let myself feel. I let myself be human and I let others do the same.
A whole of emotions used to make me uncomfortable, but I’m unashamed to say that I cried a lot on the Race.
On the Race you feel all the feels and go through all the highs and lows.
Month One, I cried after hearing my teammates’ testimonies and thinking about their pain and their struggles.
Month Two, I cried when my friend told me that she was leaving the Race and heading home.
Month Three, I cried when we had to leave our newly-formed Vietnamese family from Grace Café.
Month Four, I cried as we said our final goodbyes as The Chainless and prepared for team changes.
Month Five, I cried on the Thailand rooftop when the reality of team changes set in and I released my fears and anxieties about team leading.
Month Six, I cried in our first church service in South Africa and my heart felt at home and I cried during Leadership Weekend when I realized that I really believe the lie that I’m a burden to my parents.
Month Seven, I cried laughed during a worship session in Swaziland when I heard the Lord speak over me that I was “enough” and I actually believed it.
Month Eight, I cried after our team debrief in Ireland that was uncomfortable and honest, but left me hurt and full of questions.
Month Nine, I made it out scotch-free! Yay Moldova!
Month Ten, I cried enough to make up for Month Nine and some more. It was the beginning of the end and I just kept thinking about how much I was going to miss everyone and my eyes were leaking for about two weeks.
Month Eleven, I am here in Albania. So far, scotch-free, but that’ll all change in about a week.
Debrief starts in less than a week and I come home in less than two weeks and believe me, the water works will be there.
I love these people. I adore these people. And though I used to view crying as a sign a weakness, I now understand that I have earned these tears and I can release them as needed. And I will release many tears for my V Squad family as we prepare to go our separate ways. I will release many tears for the children around the world who need families, the churches around the world who need support, the countries around the world that need message of hope.
I started the Race off stoic, but now, I am a weeper.
Weepy and unsashamed.
