Today, I took some time and it was just me and Jesus and there was some worship time, some sleep time, some journaling time, some Bible time, and some poetry time and out of that time came this journal entry that I thought I would share.
Inadequate. We all have wallowed in the pit of inadequacy. Embracing the lies that we aren't good enough and hiding behind the shame, afraid that if we tried and succeeded, we wouldn't be able to keep up this charade and everyone would know that our success was a fluke.
Most of us are painfully aware of our deep-seeded flaws and ground-shattering darkness and find it safer to cower than to be courageous. On the World Race, that is the choice that we have to make. Will we cower or will we be courageous? Will we walk by faith knowing that we will stumble or will we spend all of our energies avoiding failure? Will we follow the God of the Bible or will we rely primarily on logic and reason?
Will we pray for men, women, boys, and girls even when it seems like nothing is happening? Will we speak words of prophecy knowing that sometimes we will be wrong? Will we love hard and strong even though it may not be returned or received well? Will we sacrifice our one and only like Abraham or will we stand at the bottom of the mountain unwilling to believe that God's way could ever be this painful? Will we rise up as men and women of God and go after Him like hopeless romantics yielding to Him our whole hearts or will we keep the walls up around our heart, unwilling to let Him in?
I have resolved to be courageous. I have resolved to abandon everything and everyone for Him. I have resolved to bare my frailties and fears and trust God to mend me and make me more like Him. I have committed to bone raw vulnerability to myself, my team, and my God knowing that perfect love casts out fear and I have a Father who is holding my heart. I will stumble, I will mess up, I will not always be courageous, and sometimes I will run hard from brokenness and vulnerability, but I so desperately crave it with every fiber of my being. I want to furiously love my God and love His people and I want to receive His love and the love of others without reservation. I want to love like crazy–without judgment, without restraint, without favoritism because I love is freeing and we are after all–THE CHAINLESS!
