As I stood in my kitchen this morning, with the sun streaming through the windows and the AC blowing sweet, sweet cold goodness into the air in the next room, I poured a bowl of cereal. As I poured my regular bowl of cereal (whole grain honey nut cheerios with an excessive amount of honey drizzled on top which really doesn’t make it healthy anymore but still makes my conscience and tummy feel good), in my ordinary bowl, with my usual milk, a thought came over me.
“I don’t want to be here”.
It took me by surprise. I love my cute little house, my perfectly firm mattress on my comfortable bed, my lazy mornings, and I ESPECIALLY love my cereal. As soon as I had quickly run through all the things I love about “home” in my head, something clicked, and a realization crept in. Home was comfortable, and I didn’t want to be comfortable.
Don’t get me wrong, I am enjoying every second of being home and soaking up all the AC that I can! But, suddenly, all the comforts of home, no longer have the same appeal that they did two weeks ago. Which doesn’t really make that much sense when you take into account the things that transpired in that two week timeframe out in the back country of Georgia at a little place called, Training Camp.
Training Camp 101-
- Everything you need to take with you for 11 months around the world must fit into one backpack.
- Sleeping on the ground in a tent becomes a basic life skill.
- Cold bucket showers actually start to become the best part of your day.
- Eating with your hands is acceptable and encouraged.
- Schedule…. Hahaha just kidding, you never know what is happening at any given moment.
- Have a deathly fear of port-a-potties? Don’t make it harder on yourself, just whatever you do, don’t look down. And don’t take too long because the temperature inside the port-a-pottie is always at least 178 degrees hotter than outside, and even if it would make for a funny story, nobody wants to be the person who passed out from heat stroke inside a port-a-pottie.
So what’s the deal? Why, after my two weeks roughing it in Georgia, am I suddenly not comforted by all the things that I had been wishing I had while I was drowning in a puddle of my own sweat and tears? Why does, not only my mind and heart feel uncomforted, but my body also feels less than satisfied by all the things that should bring order, routine, and comfort?
Because Jesus met me in Gainesville, Georgia and taught me a lesson about obedience, surrender and the freedom that comes with reckless abandon.
If any man will come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it and whosoever will lose his life for My sake shall find it. For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?
Matthew 16:24-26
During my two weeks at Training Camp, God brought me to a place. A place deep inside my soul. A place only He and I could go.
I struggle with control. I struggle to let go when I am holding on to things I shouldn’t. I struggle with being fiercely independent to the point where I would rather do my own thing even if it meant it was the wrong thing, if it meant I could still be the one making the decisions for myself. And while, I told myself I had faith in God and that I believed He was good and His plans were better than my own, God brought me back to His Word:
But wilt though know, O vain man, that faith without works is dead?
James 2:20
You see, I could tell myself, believe in my heart, and even speak with my mouth about how much faith I had that God is good to me and that He knows best, but if I did not actively put my life in His hands and surrender every shred of who I was, who I am, and who I plan to be, to Him, my faith is dead.
Throughout camp, God slowly stripped me of every ounce of control that I was holding on to. It was NOT pretty. It was painful. My soul cried tears when my body couldn’t anymore. I fought. I battled. But, I persevered. If God has been teaching me anything these past two years, it has been perseverance. And this came in handy, because the devil was ready to go ten full rounds.
For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
Philippians 6:12
Folks, surrendering and being obedient to God’s plan and pursuing a life of reckless abandon, is not a walk through fields of daisies kissed by the sun with rainbows and fairy dust. It is HARD. It is a battle. It is a daily struggle. It is the Holy Spirit’s constant reminder to die to yourself daily.
Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Romans 6:11
What does that look like? For me, and 200+ other young adults in Georgia preparing for the mission field these past two weeks, it looked a lot like this:
- Hours of worship in a hot muggy building, pressing into God’s presence despite the elements.
- Sitting on hard plastic chairs or the concrete dusty floor listening to men and women of God impart wisdom and share endless testimonies of God’s faithfulness.
- Being open and vulnerable with people you just met a few days ago by sharing your past hurts, mistakes, and failures in order for God to begin to heal your heart.
- Being stretched and pushed into uncomfortable and awkward positions in order to grow your faith and create boldness to share the Gospel with strangers.
- Staying up all night long (literally from 11 pm to 6 am) in prayer and worship with your fellow squad members, praying for each other, reading the Word, and opening the door for the Holy Spirit to rain down.
A crazy thing happened when I began to not only tell God I knew His plans were good, but actually start to lay my plans at His feet and leave them there. As I started to fight for His desires instead of mine. As I battled with my flesh and began to surrender my will for His. He brought me to the beautiful place of reckless abandon.
And you know what He gave me in return? Freedom. An incredible sense of peace in knowing that God is good and His plans are better than my own. And this, of course brought an overwhelming feeling of Joy! And with this peace and joy, God showed me that there is actually FREEDOM in surrender.
These are just a few of the incredible, amazing, things that took place during my two weeks at Training Camp in Gainesville, Georgia. I cannot believe that in just 6 short weeks, I will be heading off on this new adventure with all these crazy awesome new people, straight into the will of God. PLEASE keep me and my team in your prayers over these next 6 weeks as we prepare for this journey! There is a lot to get done in a short time and financial burdens that are beginning to weigh heavy. I know and believe that where God guides, He provides! God is always faithful. I will be updating this blog throughout my entire 11 months to El Salvador, Guatemala, Honduras, Nicaragua, Cote D’Ivoire, Ghana, Nepal, India, Malaysia, Indonesia, and Thailand!
Please click the “Subscribe” button in order to get updates whenever I put a new blog post up! Next post will be about meeting my team! The incredible 6 people (Team Lighthouse) that I have the pleasure of working closely with in furthering the kingdom and seeing lives saved through the Gospel message to the lost and forgotten places of the World.
Also, if you feel led to give financially in support of God’s work through the World Race, please click the “Donate” button and be sure to put my first and last name in the box! My next fundraising goal ($10,000 total) is due towards the end of July. Any amount is SO beyond appreciated! And all donations are tax deductible, as Adventures in Missions is a non-profit organization. 🙂
May God bless and keep you in His tender Love and Mercy
~Rachel Hargreaves
