Last month I struggled. God brought me to a place, an uncomfortable place. A place close to Him. Very close to Him.
For most of my adult life I have distanced myself emotionally from people and situations. God revealed to me, last month, several reasons why I have done so. Some my own fault, others not. Regardless, God showed me who I had become- cold and distant. Not only from people, but from Him as well.
After I took a good long hard look at who I was, I started to become afraid. God must hate me now, I thought. He told me to love and look at what I’ve become. He gave me so many gifts and I buried them. I can’t go to Him now, I’ve already failed Him. He will be so disappointed. It’s easier to shut down and not feel, than to own up and have to face Him.
…But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. Luke 15:20
As soon as these thoughts crept into my brain, almost immediately God started, not just telling me, but showing me how, just the opposite was true. God has used people throughout my life to speak into and encourage me in ways which I KNEW it was God and not them. But this past month in El Salvador, God spoke to me so directly through others, almost EVERY SINGLE DAY. It was the craziest and most wonderful thing ever. Literally, things that I never spoke out loud that no one would have known, God used different people to use those things to show me just how much He cares deeply about me, my thoughts, but especially my thoughts towards Him.
He was hurt that I was scared to come to Him. He did everything He could to show me His goodness, as a FATHER. And oh my, how blown away I am. Every single day. More and more. I can not get enough of the Father’s love. It is so immeasurable, so deep, so far, so wide. It is unconditional. In this broken world it is so hard to comprehend what unconditional love is; Which, also makes discovering it, all the more life-changing.
God showed me His love and assured me that He would be here for me, every step of the way. Also that He loves me enough that He doesn’t want me to live in a place of less than all He has for me. And what He has for me is not living in a world of detached, cold, emotionless, getting by. Just surviving is not good enough for a daughter of the King. God wants me to live in fullness of life- which means embracing all the good and all the bad, feeling it fully, and trusting that God is with me every step of the way and that He is ALWAYS good.
Dwell upon God’s amazing promises and reckon them as fact, no matter what your feelings or past experience might say. ~Leslie Ludy
God has been so patient with me. Leading me through this process. He has been so gentle. I am so far from being where I need to be, but I have come so much farther than I ever thought I could, only because of His love and mercy poured out and over my life.
Does Satan have you chained by indifference?
Has this world made you cold and distant?
Do you long for deep meaning and true fullness of life?
There is a good, good Father who wants to bless and heal you.
He’s just waiting for you to come to Him.
