Day 130
01.25.18
The holidays weren’t easy for me. For obvious reasons, and for reasons I’m not sure I’m ready to write about yet.
But Christmas in India is a once in a lifetime experience, so below is a video I made of our Christmas that I want to share!
My 2017 New Year began in Jacksonville, Florida, whispering, “Happy New Year,” to my terribly sick friend. I sat on the floor beside Emma’s bed (not Emma Swanson, my teammate) next to her sad little puke bucket.
I pondered the previous year. My friendships, my failures, and my victories. I pondered the next year. What in the world was I going to do with my life? At the time I had given up social media to gather myself, but I was far from gathered. The World Race was only an idea at the time, one that fear had latched onto tightly.
I felt helpless beside my sick friend, and lost staring down a year where I’d be forced to transition to the next step, whatever that was. Every year I pick a word that I believe God will use. 2017’s word was freedom.
My 2018 began in an Indian church, screaming Happy New Year in the middle of a prayer/song. There was clapping, cheering, and smiles all around.
I thought back to how my year started, and couldn’t help but be amazed at how the Lord worked around me, in me, and physically moved me across the world.
So much had changed. There were parts of me that had died, and there was growth in the most unlikely friendships and in the most unlikely places.
But freedom felt far from me.
I stared at the bright green carpet of the church as the realization took me off guard.
Why don’t I feel free?
What was standing in my way from walking a life of freedom in my friendships, my story, and my ministry?
Why did I still feel scared?
These thoughts surprised me and unsettled me. The sad truth, was fear was just as big of a struggle as it was New Year’s Day 2017.
My situations have changed, but the same fears remain.
Fear of rejection, fear of being alone, fear of failure, fear of disappointing others, etc.
I tried to shake the subject out of my mind. I was in India, for crying out loud. And I had bigger things to worry about. For instance, what would be my word for this year?
If I couldn’t grasp freedom, what would get me there? What was the opposite of fear, faith? I had faith. I just didn’t feel brave enough to act on my faith, or half the things I feel led to say or do.
I just didn’t feel brave enough.
Brave.
It was decided.
Moments later my teammate Emma gestured for my journal and pen. She passed me a note, “What’s your word for the year?”
I wrote back, “Brave.”
She smiled at me and we had a short conversation over paper.
Within the hour, “Rachel, be brave!” was already been pulled on me. Within days, I had to face saying goodbye to the women who cooked for us in India, who I adore and I couldn’t stand the thought of leaving. Within the week I found myself walking to another team’s compound in Hyderabad, when some drunk men on a motorcycle sped by, looped back around, aimed for my friend and I, and punched me in the arm. Within the next week, I was at debrief, terrified because I was asked to give a spoken word in front of the squad. I jokingly said, “I hope I get sick tomorrow.”
Within hours, it was 5am and I was crying beside my teammate Jordan’s bed with a 101.5 degree fever, explaining I just barfed, and I was scared. Because I felt like it was going to happen again.
It did.
The next seven days were some of the hardest of my life. Throwing up gave me no relief, I felt like I was about to all the time. Relentlessly. And with nothing in my body, I was weak. There were changes in our squad, and I felt incapable of being the friend and teammate I wanted to be. There was no comfort, no way to ease it, and a week meant for rest became a week of loneliness and pain for me.
It wasn’t until a day into Nepal that we decided my stomach pain wasn’t normal and that I should go to the hospital.
I was plopped on an ER bed, and poked with an IV till my hand bruised, and given fluids and medicine. I had no parasites, so I was given antibiotics and optional medicine for nausea and stomach pain.
Then someone mentioned the word salmonella. I googled the illness that I thought was just a hoax to keep me from cookie dough.
Kids, watch out with the cookie dough!
The symptoms and the timing of my illness lined up perfectly. And it freaking sucked.
I’ve never felt so sick in my life, and I don’t want to ever feel that way again. I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy, it was so awful.
By day eight of being sick, I had antibiotics in me and all I had left was mild pain and uneasiness. My body slowly returned to normal and I was able to jump into our third day of ministry in Nepal.
It started by an activity called, “prophetic doodling.” I was skeptical till I randomly drew an ax chopping a piece of wood with the words “Protected, provided for,” above it. Minutes into walking, I saw a Hindu man chopping wood.
I gave him the drawling, told Him Jesus loves Him and we prayed for him around his pile of wood.
It was a great start. We then went to the slums to fellowship with the families and children. The next day, we did a “treasure hunt.” Basically, a day relying on the Lord to guide us.
I drew a four of clubs in my journal. Out of all the stuff I had journaled and thought of during quiet time that morning, the four of clubs made the least sense to me.
But again, moments after leaving the compound, there’s a card on the ground. I flip it over and am shocked to find a four of clubs. If anyone ever tries to tell you God isn’t active in the small, day to day moments of our life, just remember God placed a four of clubs in my path to remind me, “I’m here, I’m speaking. I want to use you. Keep going.”
God led us to a Hindu woman and a little boy and his brothers. We shared a spicy snack with them outside a light fixture store (which was interesting considering I drew a chandelier, which I had seen inside the store and caused us to stop). I gave her a card that said “Jesus Loves You,” and when I bumped into her the other day on the road, we shared a few smiles and some laughter. Then we walked to Top Of The World Cafe because Ana had the word, “Top.” It turned out to be an incredible place, owned by a missionary. We befriended the barista and I plan to visit her often.
The next day was we gathered kids and prepared food for a night of games and fellowship in a beautiful field.
We had slum ministry again the next day, but I stayed back to tend to Makennah, who was feeling sick.
This part weekend was our adventure weekend, in which Katherine, Christy, and I took a taxi at 5:30am to Tamel. We then took a bus four hours into the Himalayas and did the second highest bungee jump in the world. It was exhilarating. By far, some of the best few seconds of my life. I love high places. They clear my mind, remind me to breathe, and make me feel alive. Getting to free fall, superman style, felt like flying. I loved it, and all day I was in awe of the Lord. We walked through a small village and hiked 20 minutes down the mountain to the Bhola Kosi river (a river of rapids composed of melted snow water). After a few minutes of hopping around the rocks and dipping my hair in the freezing water, we hiked back up the steep mountain and through the tiny village, holding some baby goats on the way. We crossed the 160meter tall suspended bridge and made it home last night before dinner.
I’m feeling so much better now, and I am so grateful to be healthy and to be apart of ministry and crazy Nepali adventures!
Thank you for your continued love and support. Be praying specifically for our outreach this week to at risk kids on the streets and in the slums and to at risk women in dance bars.
SOME RANDOM IMPORTANT DETAILS:
If you somehow missed the news, I’m FULLY funded! But if you’re still looking for ways to support me, other than prayer, please consider donating to my mom. In Nicaragua she’ll have the opportunity to attend PVT, parent vision trip. I’d love for her to be able to come. She’s never been in an international missions environment, and considering it’s changed my life and taken me across the planet, I’d love for her to see what I love up close and personal. I’d love to serve alongside her and for her to see my team and I in action. So prayers and financial support for her are greatly appreciated. Donate below:
https://www.givesendgo.com/GFJJ#.Wl6r0UvtWvJ.facebook
Also, here’s a video Jordan put together of us at ministry yesterday. You should watch it, it involves me glaring at a pile of poop. You won’t regret it.
http://jordanschaeffer.theworldrace.org/post/soccer-ministry-shenanigans-video
Finally, if you haven’t already you should read my previous blog, “Scabies, Squatties, & Smiles That Save My Sanity.” It’s all about my time in India and there are videos my teammate Jordan put together of life in India, and of a spoken word I did.
That’s all for now! I love you all. Keep the faith.
