I’m currently in Greenville, South Carolina, laying in a hammock on my brother and sister in law’s third story apartment balcony. It’s gorgeous here. I underestimated how much I missed the hills and mountains. My brother Steven and I have the same love for exploring and slightly reckless risk taking. So whether it be walking on the edge of a dam or leaping over a creek from one boulder to another or taking a rest by a waterfall, I’ve gotten to soak in some much needed thrills. And this week was just the beginning.
Tomorrow I’ll be saying bye to my brother and sister in law and heading to training camp in Gainesville, Georgia. There I’ll finally meet my squad face to face and get to know my team (the six to eight people I’ll be living with). We will grow together and train together without many of life’s normal comforts. I don’t know much about the specifics of training camp, just that we will be challenged physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Each day we’ll be learning about the cultures we’ll encounter on the Race, and train accordingly. There will be talks and worship, and probably some unique food and sleeping situations.
And I am SO excited.
As I’ve written before, the past chapter of my life has been full of change and challenges. As some of my friends know, I like to name these different “chapters.” It’s a cheesy kinda-dumb thing my inner storyteller likes to do. This past chapter I called the crumbling. I think back to this time last year, I was returning from Africa and struggling to adjust back to American life. I remember in Africa a few girls on my team would say during our time of testimonies and sharing what God has done/is doing in our lives, that, “it’s an undoing.”
When God is moving in our lives or preparing us for something, often times, it doesn’t exactly feel fluffy and Christianese. More like a undoing; like we’re losing something, or straining.
John 15:2 says, “He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.”
I refer to the past chapter of my life as the crumbling because it was an undoing for me. There were parts of my life God was urging me to cut off (one of the main reasons I deleted my social media for five months, actually), and there were parts of my life I could feel Him pruning. When you prune a plant, you’re trimming it or cutting it back, because it has to change in shape before it can grow. Some of my favorite definitions I found for the word were, “To prepare, to dress, to purify.”
The cutting and trimming and preparing in my life was much needed, but nonetheless painful. If you’ve ever been in a similar place, you know it hurts. You know it’s one thing to say that God has a plan and that He’s in control, but to believe it, to trust Him fully, and to feel that peace is a hard task.
But like an avalanche or a demolition, the crumbling eventually settled. After I spent some time wallowing around rock bottom worrying the floor would give out once more, I realized I had nothing left to do but look up. And the good news is we serve a faithful God who does not abandon us in these valley’s when we wallow and keep our eyes on the ground. His love does not waver. Some of my favorite lyrics are from a song called Pieces by Amanda Cook that say,
“Your love’s not fractured, it’s not a troubled mind / It isn’t anxious / It’s not the restless kind /Your love’s not passive / It’s never disengaged / It’s always present / It hangs on every word we say / Love keeps its promises / It’s keeps its word /It honors what’s sacred / Cause it’s vows are good / Your love’s not broken / It’s not insecure /Your love’s not selfish / You love is pure / You don’t give your heart in pieces, you don’t hide yourself to tease us”
I’m so excited to see what this next chapter holds. To press on, move forward, and keep my eyes on Jesus. There’s going to be obstacles of course, but I refer to the crumbling as a past chapter of my life for a reason.
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As I finish writing this blog post, I’m in the car almost to training camp. I don’t know what the next chapter is for me, but I can’t wait to tackle it. I’m so nervous and petrified but ready to be challenged and grow. I ask for your prayers that God would teach my team and I new things and bond us close together. Pray for health and for God to drench the next 10 days with His glory and presence. Subscribe here for blog updates and if you’ve been meaning to donate, you can donate here as well. I’ll do my best to keep up on social media the next couple weeks. I love you all madly, keep the faith, and here’s to a new chapter.
