Something about me is that before the race I really hated journaling. I would get the cute new journals from target and get ready to write down everything, but soon I would find myself not being able to go past the 4th page. I would try and take my journal to church and write down sermons, but I found myself without words to say. The words that would make it, were only simple sentences that were lacking importance. On the packing list for training camp, we had to bring a journal. From training camp on I have been journaling nonstop. Now I am a couple pages from finishing my first journal ever. At first it was not pretty, I needed to find my rhythm, my structure. Since being on the race, I have tried to journal everyday. I now find myself with 6 page long entries and just deep conversations with God. I have grown a new love for writing down what I am feeling. It is one of the best ways I can talk to God, it gives me a layout on how to organize my thoughts. So I thought I would share some of those entries. My writing skills have grown and I long to put my thoughts onto the page.
This is my very first entry.
7-11-18
“Today you called me to speak in front of everyone. You told me that you wanted me, Rachel Ann Crandall, to share my story with all people. I love you Lord, you are always with me. You have chosen me, you have not forgotten me, you have great plans for me, Rachel Ann Crandall.”
7-15-18
“I want to have an unique relationship with the Lord that helps me grow closer to him and that helps me reach people through the Holy Spirit…”
Day 1 Guatemala
“He wants us to be apart of the kingdom building.”
10-18-18
“Today during worship God told me that I need to let go of my earthly desires. I need to die to myself and build my life on the love of Jesus…”
10-24-18
“God spoke over me that I am a woman of peace… even if I fail, I am not big enough to mess up his plans…”
10-25-18
“…I am journaling during this time. It will be good to look back at these notes and remember what the World Race was like. I am currently in month 2 and I have already grown so much. My anger has been something I have always struggled with. Malia spoke over me that I am a woman of peace. So everyday I grow in that. The World Race is currently the best thing for me. I want to grow into all the fruits of the spirit so I can be the woman God wants me to be….”
11-5-18
“Last night I found out that I have lice. Abby has had it for about a week, and I really thought I would’t get it. I kinda freaked out and cried…”
11-5-18
“God thank you for always blessing me. I want to follow God wherever he calls me. I find peace in the Father. God tell me clearly what you want me to do with my life. I am here to follow you. I want to produce fruit. I don’t ever want to be prideful….”
11-19-18
“Wow God you are so good to me, even when life gets so very hard. I want to use my whole life to chase Jesus. My life is meaningless without God. I never want to burn out and I always want to preach the Gospel. I know I am called to make disciples of all nations, I want to use my life to always bring glory to you. Thank you God that I don’t have to earn my salvation, that you have died for me and made me new. Not any of my works have brought me here, other than saying yes. Thank you for loving me.”
11-29-18
“Today is weird. I can’t really focus.
Mae just asked us to spend time with the Lord and ask him to share his heart with us. I came out into this field and I love sitting in the grass and feeling the Guatemalan sun on my face. Thank you Lord for these moments. There is no place I would rather be. Thank you for bringing me here Lord. A butterfly just flew past me and the sight of it made me so happy. God just told me that the sight of all the people, who I struggle to love because they have hurt me, makes him that happy and even more. The butterfly was white and pure, just like how he sees them and how he sees me. I can start praying for them…”
12-3-18
“… The 1st was my mother’s birthday. God what do you want me to do? I don’t know if I should text her or not. I go so long without even thinking about her. I didn’t even realize that it was her birthday until I was on the way to the volcano and saw the date on my phone. Sometimes I forget everything that she has done to me. I want her to know the Lord, but I don’t know if I want her to know me, or worse I know her. I don’t want to know that she has an amazing life without me. I wonder if she too goes weeks without me crossing her mind. Does she even tell people that she has a daughter any more? Has she completely erased me from her life without even looking back?…”
12-8-18
“Scripture is made so we can be more like Christ. God promises us that our suffering will come to an end and we will rejoice with the Father. The wonderful thing is that Jesus invites us into a meaningful relationship with him.”
12-15-18
“… I know you have a plan, please protect that little girl. This life can be hard and I don’t want what happened to me happen to her. I need you, I need you to protect her when I cannot be there…”
12-23-18
“I love that when I talk to you and I never have to worry about you listening or getting tired of me. Thank you for being the ultimate comforter. If you could bring me to this point right here, then you can bring anyone. I pray that you never stop growing or using me. I give up everything in this life that I think that matters, other than you. Thank you for simplicity. Thank you for being a breath of fresh air, for always loving me. You are good, always. I don’t have to be ashamed of myself with you. You know my fears, past wounds, everything. I don’t have to explain myself to you. I love you. Thank you for this life, I pray that from this day forward I step into everything that you have for me. I want to be filled with your love and grace, so that I am able to constantly pour it out to others. I am just amazed by your love and intentionally.”
Thank you for reading these entries, they mean a lot to me. For a side note, I am still $1,795 away from being fully funded, and the deadline is coming soon. If you feel lead to give a tax deductible donation please click the orange “donate” button above. As always, have an amazing day!
Update! I am now only $875 away from being full funded. Thank you all so much!
