Since arriving in Chile, I’ve had a hard time connecting with the Lord and hearing his voice. I’m not sure why that is but I miss him so much. I miss the way that his voice and presence fill my heart and make me more like Christ. I miss the peace and freedom that comes with his voice and presence. I miss feeling like myself, the person in Christ who is alive and passionate.
We are very busy with our ministry here in Antofagasta. Our ministry host, Pastor Juan, told us at the beginning that a lot of our ministry will be with our host families and just building those relationships. That has been so fun and is what most of our time here has been so far!
Another part of our ministry is with the school in the English and religion classes. We started on Thursday and from now on that will be what we do with most of our time as it is every Tuesday-Friday from 8am-6pm. We also help with the kids at the church on Sunday’s and on Friday nights we go to the church plant in Bonilla to love on those kids.
When we are not doing any of those specific ministries, my team is spending as much time together as we can in order to build those relationships and give space for engaging in the Word together, worshipping together, praying together, sharing testimonies, working on clear and healthy communication together, and calling each other higher in order to look more like Christ each day.
So, we are just a tad busy here 🙂 But with all of that going on, we all have been having trouble finding time for our personal relationships with Jesus. Really our only time is early in the morning before we get up for school.
Those early mornings with the Lord have been difficult for me because of the hard time I’ve had connecting with him and hearing his voice. And even during the day as I’m praying I feel so disconnected and it makes me start to question if the prayers even mean anything. But in many past seasons of my life, the Lord has asked me to be patient and wait. Wait for what he is doing in the struggle. Wait for what he wants to teach me. Wait in the discomfort and not run away.
Most times when I enter these seasons (which are becoming much more frequent), I don’t recognize right away what he is asking me to do and I get frustrated that I’m not hearing from him, or I am hard on myself and tell myself that I am doing something wrong. But once I recognize it, I wait for him. Which is not easy.
So I have been waiting in this hardship and struggle. Waiting to feel like myself again, the person who Christ created me to be. Waiting to hear his sweet gentle voice of love and encouragement.
On Thursday, our first real day in the school, we were in the kindergarten classroom for part of the day and we were listening to the teacher talk to her students. We did not know what she was talking to them about though because she was speaking Spanish. (That has definitely stretched me as I’ve been working to remember what I learned in high school Spanish so I can communicate with the wonderful people here. Google Translate has been my best friend for sure!) So I was just sitting there and praying over the students and all the sudden the Lord whispered to my heart. He said,
Hello my dear child. I am here. I am with you.
These are my precious children, whom I love.
Show them my love for them.
It was such a soft whisper but my heart heard it so clearly and I felt so alive. He was with me, there, in that moment, in a random classroom. And more than that, he was speaking to my prayer over these children.
I’m overwhelmed by a God who is so tender to our hearts and wants us to know him as father. Who is present even when we cannot feel him and who shows himself in soft whispers.
I’m still in the struggle and working to wait on him. But I know he will continue to show himself to me little by little, in those small but intimate whispers. It’s not always a grand gesture that the Lord uses to speak to our hearts. Sometimes it is and I’m so thankful for those. But today, I’m immensely grateful for the small whispers and the intimacy that those bring.
Friends, when you are in those seasons of struggle and confusion, I pray you will learn to wait for the Lord, and I pray in that waiting he will speak to you in soft whispers that could only be from him.
