[An Open Letter to Pre-Race Rachel]
Dear Pre-Race Self,
So here I am. Surrounded by pillows, I lay on my comfy bed. I’m comfortable. I’m safe. I hear my family upstairs. I get a slight chill from the cool temperature of my room, so I wrap a blanket around me. Music quietly plays from my laptop. There’s a cup of ice cold water on the table beside me. And in one week, I’m leaving all of these comforts behind to go on an 11 month journey to 11 different countries called The World Race. Reality is setting in.
A swarm of emotions surround me. Never in my life have I felt this many emotions at one time. It’s slightly exhausting. Thoughts and dreams, fears and prayers swim around inside my mind.
My family and friends surprised me yesterday by celebrating each of the holidays I will be missing this year…it was AWESOME. We had my dog’s 1st birthday party, Thanksgiving, Easter, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, 4th of July, my birthday, and New Year’s Eve. It was seriously special, a day I’ll never forget. Missing my family will be unavoidable, and I’m okay with that, because it’s in these moments of weakness and brokenness that I will grow. It will be hard, but I feel very blessed to have a family that makes leaving so hard.
I am human, and therefore have fears about the coming year. Admitting my fears helps me overcome them, so I’m going to share my current fears and worries. Fear of leaving my family is the biggest and most difficult fear to tackle. Fear of things that will happen at home while I’m away. Fear of sickness and disease. Fear of not being able to talk to my mom and sisters every day. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the world and all the crazy things that are happening in it. Fear of not having alone time, which is something I cling to at home. Fear of living conditions for the next year. Fear of being open and vulnerable with everyone; not just with my teammates, but also to everyone who reads my blog.
When I ponder the reality of being gone for 11 months, I see a huge mountain that I have to climb over. But then my Father whispers… “11 months isn’t much compared to eternity.” He assures me that I won’t be climbing the mountain alone, and the view from the top is amazing.
I spent some time with Jesus at Krodel Park last week, asking him to calm my mind, and asking him to speak to me about the upcoming year. The word “radiance” was pressed upon my spirit. Not even sure what that could mean or why this word came before me, I looked it up in the dictionary.
Radiance: 1) light or heat as emitted or reflected by something 2) great happiness, apparent in someone’s expression or bearing 3) a glowing quality of the skin, especially as indicative of good health or youth
The word also appears in the Bible:
Hebrews 1:3 (NIV) “The Son is the radiance of God’s glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word. After he had provided purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty in heaven.”
I believe the Holy Spirit gave me this word to calm my fears and doubts, and to let me know it will be a year of pure radiance. That He will pour His radiance on X-Squad, Team Unsilenced, and myself all year. This is my prayer for the year, that we will reflect His radiance everywhere we go.
DREAMS FOR THE COMING YEAR:
I have dreams of God using me to help build the Kingdom, walking alongside him and letting him lead. He’s my Father, and I’m his child. He’s my Shepherd, and I’m His sheep. I’m still in awe of the fact that he chose me to go on this journey with him. That he chose me to live this life with him.
“He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice.” John 10:3-4
“I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me…” John 10:14
I have dreams of the change that will inevitably take place in my heart. God changing me from the inside out. I’m ready to die to my false self so that my true self may live.
“If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it.” Matthew 10:39
“He died for everyone so that those who receive his new life will no longer live for themselves. Instead, they will live for Christ, who died and was raised for them.” 2 Corinthians 5:15
I have dreams of leaving old sinful habits behind, and keeping new habits that bring life to myself and others. Even after this year-long trip, I hope to continue these good habits, not only for myself, but also for the sake of my future children and my future husband. I can’t wait to tell them about this journey.
“Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives.” Galatians 5:25
“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” Romans 12:2
I have dreams of letting go of things I thought were important so I can gain a stronger faith in Christ. In church we sing the song “I Surrender All,” but do we really surrender all? Is there anything that we wouldn’t give up for Christ? Get rid of it, so that He is #1. Everything else is second. Christ is all we need. Literally, all we need. He is living water. He who drinks from the living water will never go thirsty. I’m putting to death my old life, so I can have real life through Christ.
“…But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life.” John 4:14
“…We own nothing, and yet we have everything.” 2 Corinthians 6:10
I have dreams of a friendship that started this past July and that will last a lifetime. One that lasts once the World Race is over. X-Squad is my family now. And especially my team—Derik, Luke, Victoria, Katy, Grace. We will be spending 24/7 together. I dream of us laughing into the late hours of the night together, being weird together, being adventurous together, just being together and resting in our Father’s love together. Making the most out of every opportunity we are given. I just can’t wait for this bond to continue to grow.
“So encourage each other and build each other up” 1 Thessalonians 5:11
“Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” James 5:16
“Two are better than one…” Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
I have dreams for my family back home. They’re not spending their time missing me and counting down the days until I’m home; but rather, they are thriving. They are truly living a life with purpose, perhaps inspired by the leap of faith that I took. They turn their worries over to God through prayer. They spend more time listening for God this year than they ever have. I dream of them slowing down and taking the time to let the Holy Spirit speak to them.
“I am leaving you with a gift- peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.” John 14:27
“This is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it.” Psalm 118
“So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” 1 Corinthians 10:31
I have dreams of beautiful encounters this year. That each person we meet sees Jesus radiate through us. That we take the time to slow down and listen to someone’s story. That people will listen to what we have to say, that they will accept the love that Christ offers, and that they will find freedom from their past and step into their amazing future. I’m more than excited to help bring this hope to people.
“No, do not be afraid of those nations, for the Lord your God is among you, and he is a great and awesome God.” Deuteronomy 7:21
“We use God’s mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments. We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:4-5
“One night the Lord spoke to Paul in a vision and told him, ‘Don’t be afraid! Speak out! Don’t be silent! For I am with you, and no one will attack and harm you, for many people in this city belong to me’.” Acts 18:9-10
Lord, Thank you so much for this beautiful life you’ve given me. Every good and perfect gift comes from you. Thank you for calling me out on his journey with you, and for giving me the bravery to say “yes” to your call. Thank you for dying on the cross for a sinner like me. Thank you for the forgiveness, love, freedom, grace, and peace you give to anyone who asks. Thank you for my family and friends who blessed me beyond measure yesterday. Thank you for Team Unsilenced and X-Squad. When (not ‘if’) trouble comes my way, remind me why I started this journey in the first place. When emotions flood my mind, remind me that emotions aren’t truth. You are truth. Speak truth to me Lord when I need it most this week. Make me radiant for you. Love, Your Child, Rachel
