Day 2 of “Camp 113” at Kazembe Orphanage in Zambia is complete. I’m exhausted. I’m irritable. My teammates and I bicker in the kitchen during lunch. Halfway joking, halfway serious. Arguing about cheese, camp duties, and cookies. I mean, really??
Although we’re all annoyed with each other sometimes, we love each other so much. These guys have become my family. We’ve been together 24/7 for the past 11 months. We’ve seen miracles together. We’ve cried and laughed and worshipped together. We’ve seen each other in good moods and bad moods. We’ve seen heartbreaking things together. We’ve prayed together and loved each other even when it was difficult.
Before the Race, I was scared of going on the Race and leaving my family in WV…but now that the end is drawing near, I’m afraid of going home and leaving my World Race family. Of course we will still remain friends and family to each other, but it won’t be the same. Our 24/7 community living is about to be over in less than 2 months. And I’m going to miss them like crazy.
It’s so funny to me that this time a year ago I didn’t even know them. But now I can’t imagine my life without them.
I wrote a blog before I went on the World Race called This Is Hard…which shared my fears about going on the Race and things I wanted to accomplish while on the Race. And now, I’m going to share some fears I have about returning to America, the biggest one being missing my World Race family.
- Fear of my World Race family and I drifting apart. Fear of being overwhelmed. Fear of being lonely. Fear of stuffing my emotions instead of talking about them with someone. Fear of getting upset and bitter at people. Fear of going back to a life of routine. Fear of being judged. Fear of not having enough time to process and think about the year. Fear of going back to old habits. Fear of not having good answers or explanations for the year. Fear of forgetting the lessons I learned. Fear of not having direction. Fear of losing my courageous and adventurous spirit. Fear of no one understanding me. Fear of getting depressed and anxious.
I don’t want to be known as the girl who went on the World Race, or the girl who traveled the world, or the girl who bungee jumps, or the girl who was a missionary for 11 months, or any other thing.
I don’t want to be known at all.
I only want people to know my Savior Jesus Christ through me.
I don’t want to be known as a Racer. My identity is not in the World Race. My identity is in Jesus Christ. I am a daughter of the King who listened and obeyed when He called me on this journey. Although I have fears about returning home, I know the Lord is with me, and He assures me that this is only the beginning for me. And that’s something to be excited about!!
–Please be in prayer for my squad and I as we get closer and closer to the end of the Race. The fears I listed are common with all my squadmates, so please join us in praying about these fears and praying about the next chapter of our lives.
***Stay tuned for my next blog, “Thinking About Home- Part 2”!!! I’ll share some things I’ve learned on the Race and want to implement back home in America.
