We are now more than half way through the race. This is the 7th ministry I have been a part of. I have been surrounded by people, non stop, for these past 7 months. I’ve slept on floors and crowded mattresses. I’ve spent the majority of my race with no air conditioning, including this month and IT’S HOT. I’ve had to abandon my comforts, be pushed, be challenged, and grow. I have been pushed to the point of breaking down multiple times. All this to say, I am tired.
Now when I feel tired and uncomfortable, the comforts of home start to invade my mind. I catch myself day-dreaming about my queen sized bed for just me in my quiet room that I can escape to whenever I want. I dream about chick fil a, burritos, and menus in English where I know what I’m ordering. I day dream about being able to meet up with my friends when I like and then retreat back to the solitude of my home when I’ve had enough of community for the day. I dream about having control over my environment: over the job I can choose, the day I can plan, the food I can eat, and the and the activities I can do I miss home, but above all
I miss being comfortable.
This month has been particularly hard for me because… well there’s nothing to do. We have ministry a couple hours for a couple days a week where only a couple kids show up to learn English. We also are not allowed to evangelize to Muslims, which is the majority of people in the area. So having the feeling of being “over the race” and then being in a ministry where I feel purposeless at times can cause an overwhelming feeling of apathy. Oh, and we are in a town in the middle of no where with not much to do. Outside of going to the grocery store, eating Roti at Indian restaurants, and KFC there is not much to do in our free time except sit in our air-conditionless space and fantasize about home.
I’ve heard that the mid world race blues were a thing but man it is worse than I thought. This month, I’ve found myself checking out mentally. I have backed away from pressing into my teammates, pressing into ministry, and even pressing into my relationship with God. My attitude shifted from one of joy and excitement about the race to dread and exhaustion. All because I decided “I’m over it”. I was tired of not being comfortable.
So I was tired. But I was also tired of being tired. I was frustrated that I felt this way. I am supposed to exude the fruits of the spirit, of love joy and peace but instead I’m filled with grumbling and complaining. I knew I needed a change of attitude but I didn’t know how. So I asked God to help me and to change my attitude.
The next day, I came across this verse:
“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
??1 Thessalonians? ?5:16-18? ?NIV
A couple days later, I read this one:
“Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe,”
??Hebrews? ?12:28? ?NIV
And then a couple days later…
“Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful.”
??Colossians? ?4:2? ?NIV??
Ok, God must be trying to tell me something… Thanksgiving, prayer and rejoice in everything. Could just those things be the answer to my mid race schlump? Just rejoice, pray and give thanks? It seemed so simple but I wanted to give it a try.
I cannot tell you how much my month has turned around since applying these verses to my life. Nothing about my circumstances had changed but my attitude has. When I find myself in the schlump I pray that God will change my attitude, I thank him for what He’s given me, and rejoice in my Lord and Savior.
It’s amazing how much rejoicing and celebrating an all mighty God seems to take my worries and frustrations away. When I worship and praise God, I am reminded that I have an all powerful God who loves me and has a plan for me. He had called me here for a purpose and I’m the lucky one who gets to see His plan unfold. God loves me and cares for me, that’s all I need to remember when I’m feeling down.
Being thankful has changed my perspective too. When I am having trouble sleeping on my mattress pad on the floor I just praise God that I have a mattress pad and I’m not on the concrete floor. When I’m hot and sweating without air conditioning, I praise God for the fans that give me a nice breeze. And when I’m grumbling about our location and our ministry, I just praise God that I am even here, that by the grace of God I raised $16,000 without ever fundraising before, that I am healthy and able to be on a trip like this, that I am lucky to have the time in my life to go to the nations and preach the gospel. That is exciting!!
And above all, it’s always important to pray. I have to ask God to change my attitude because I can’t do it on my own. When there’s not a lot of ministry opportunities, I pray for more. When I’m sad because we dont have a host living with us, I pray that we get to know the local people. When I don’t feel like loving my team or pouring into ministry, I pray that God gives me the strength and energy to do so.
God is so good and He wants to bless us. Since I’ve started rejoicing, thanking, and praying through my schlump, I’ve had a new outlook and joy about the race. I can’t wait to see what God has in store for me over the last week in Malaysia and in the last 4 months of the race!
