On Saturday, some of my teammates and I decided to climb Bunda Mountain in Malawi. The mountain looked small and easy to climb from far away and I was excited. But as we started climbing, my excitement turned to fear. The gradual sloping hill from afar was very steep up close. It was raining and my feet would sometimes slip on the rocks. On either side of the walk was a steep drop, and one false move could topple you over the edge. As I climbed higher and looked at the risks around me, I started to tense up. I didn’t want to go any farther. My desire to quit and go back down the mountain grew stronger. But I felt a voice say, “just keep going”.
The only way I could continue was to put my head down, look at my feet, and climb one step at a time. I couldn’t look to either side at the “what if I make the wrong move” and I couldn’t look down at the “what if I fall back into what I came from”. And I couldn’t look up at the “what if I can’t make it?” All I could do is look directly below at what was right in front of me.
As I grew closer to the top, I heard something I wasn’t expecting: singing. I climbed the summit and saw the most beautiful sight. Tthere were dozens of people praising and worshiping God. Some were in groups praising, others were by themselves, praying and talking to God. Some people had been up there for days and others just came for a couple hours. My heart was overjoyed to see these people praising. We even got to join them with singing and dancing.
God revealed to me that this mountain is like the challenges in life. My mountain 11 months ago was The Race. Now my mountain is going home. Sometimes I have days where I am excited and ready to go home. I’m excited to see my family, friends, hot showers, and good Mexican food.
But I’m also afraid…
I have no idea what I’m doing when I go home, no jobs lined up, no money, or no plans. I’m afraid that my family and friends won’t like how I’ve changed on the race or won’t like the way I want to live my life now. I’m afraid that others won’t care about what I’ve been through or that they will care but I wont be able to explain this past year to them. I’m afraid of losing my community on the race and not being able to find another Christian community at home. All these fears are me looking up at the top of the steep mountain, covered in fog, not knowing what it will look like or if I’ll be able to make it.
I’m also afraid that I will fall back into the way I used to be before I truly experienced the love of Christ. I’m afraid of falling back into depression and unhealthy coping mechanisms; that everything God has brought me out of I’ll fall right back into. I’m afraid of falling away from God and my faith. I’m looking back down the mountain with the fear of falling and tumbling back down.
I’m also afraid of going home and getting distracted. That instead of focusing my life on God and living life for the Kingdom that I will be distracted by the comforts of life. That I will pursue the American dream over Gods dream for my life, and choose the worldly desires over God. That I will make a wrong turn climbing the mountain and topple over the edge.
Despite all these fears of home, I can’t just sit and be paralyzed by them. God calls us to trust in Him. He wants us to keep going and follow the path He has for us. So instead of focusing on the fears of my past, my future, or the decisions I have to make, I can only do one thing: focus on God. I have to put my head down and follow Him one step at a time. I have to trust in my steps, that God will lead me the right way and that He will protect me as I climb.
The best part of my climb was when I reached the top and heard everyone praising God. When I follow the plan God has for me, even if it seems impossible, I will get to look out and see His glory all around me. When we follow God, we draw closer to Him and see how great He really is. When we see God, we won’t be able to help but sing out and worship Him. That is why we should keep climbing the mountain.
