I’m just going to admit it – I am not exactly ecstatic about the whole support raising thing that is necessary to go on the world race.
I’m not sure how many people out there love support raising anyways but it was a big fear that I had to deal with when I was deciding to go on the race.
My plan after graduating from college was to intern with the college ministry I was involved in during my time at UF. I spent the whole summer after graduation raising support so I could return in the fall to minister to college students. To make a long story short when the final deadline came around I didn’t have the amount I needed to be able to intern. I felt like God had forgotten and abandoned me. I didn’t understand why He failed to provide for me.
Now, looking back, I can see God’s sovereign hand through it all. In the year and a half since then I have been working at a preschool with some amazing children and have absolutely loved it. In that time God has taught me so much about myself, about Himself, and grown me in ways I’m not sure I would have grown if I had interned. God reminded me that He works all things out for our good.
But when it came time to make a decision on the world race I was still wrestling with the idea of support raising. And, even now as I begin to fundraise, I am scared that the same thing is going to happen again – that the money won’t come in and I will be left with the loss of a dream and without a plan. I’m scared of asking people to support me again because I am scared that they are disappointed in me and feel that I let them down before.
But I feel God pushing me to trust Him. To trust Him with my future, to trust that He will provide for my every need, and to trust the He is good and sovereign and faithful whatever the circumstances.
In Matthew 14, Jesus walks across the sea to meet His disciples. He calls Peter to get out of the boat and come to Him. By the time Jesus reached them the boat is out in the middle of the sea; they are not at all close to shore or in a shallow area. But Peter gets out of the boat and takes a step towards Jesus. But then he takes his eyes off of Jesus and begins to look around and he sees the waves churning around and under him and starts to sink.
I felt like God was pushing me to take a step of faith like Peter, to get out of the boat and step out onto the water to confidently follow Him. So I decided to push my fears aside and go on the world race.
But then I start to think about the details and the support raising and I start to get scared and sink as Peter did when He saw the waves rushing around him. I panic because I cannot control how God is going to provide for me. It may not come in the way I want it to but I have to focus on Jesus and take one step at a time, trusting that He will provide for me.
Jesus’ response to Peter’s fear was “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” and He immediately reached out and took hold of Peter.
Thankfully He continues to be Faithful even when we are faithless. (1 Timothy 2:13)
