I haven’t posted anything new in a while, partly because I felt like I had nothing wise or insightful or funny to say… not that I normally feel that I am either of those things.
But what I’ve realized lately is that I have a desire for people to see me a certain way. To see me as wise, intelligent, caring, or whatever. This prevents me from being real and vulnerable with people and I often end up feeling like I have nothing to offer…in friendships, on this blog, with my team.
I think I put up these fronts because without them I feel inadequate. I don’t feel adequate enough to love kids at work, to be a good friend, to encourage my teammates, or a number of other things. But without these things I also don’t feel worthy of being loved and when I put up these fronts I find myself desiring to be really known.
Somewhere in there is a wrong view of the gospel and of Christ’s love. Sometimes I fall into the trap of believing the lie that I have to earn Christ’s love. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t earn His perfect love; it is a gift freely given.
But this week the Lord reminded me that He sees through all the fronts I put up. He sees me and He sees my heart.
“O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You perceive my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue, you know it completely, O Lord.” Psalm 139: 1-4
He sees me with all of my flaws and He loves me anyways. That is pretty amazing.
And He doesn’t need me to be wise or an eloquent blogger or super spiritual or something for Him to use me. His power is made perfect in my weakness.
On another note, there has been a new route change!
I don’t think I ever officially mentioned the first change, but instead of El Salvador and Nicaragua my team and I will be going to the Dominican Republic and Haiti!
The more recent change is that instead of Laos we will be going to Burma!
I’m beyond excited to be traveling to and doing ministry in all three of these places. Here is some info on the new countries.
Dominican Republic: The Dominican Republic shares the island of Hispaniola in the Caribbean with Haiti. Dominican culture is lively, vibrant, and warm, however, the people struggle with hypersexualization, alcoholism, and witchcraft. After the earthquake in Haiti, the DR quickly became a refuge for thousands who were displaced. Chances for ministry here are varied and exciting – anything from children’s camps to church planting to construction. Come join the long-term Adventures in Missions presence and be a light to the Dominican people.
Haiti: Haiti was hit with a life-altering earthquake on January 12, 2010. The nation’s still in shambles, but the church is rising up. Haiti is experiencing a spiritual revival right now like it has never seen before. Communities are turning to pastors for leadership, and the local church is becoming the driving force behind Haiti’s ongoing rebirth. Be part of this key moment in Haiti’s history and the church’s impact on this nation. Come ready to serve and ready to be blessed.
Burma: In a struggle for independence, first from Britain, then from its own government, Burmese political groups have fought an ongoing war for over 60 years, full of rebellions and insurgencies. This political unrest has led to nearly 200,000 refugees in Burma, many fleeing to neighboring countries like Thailand. When the cyclone hit in 2008, it not only left $10 billion in damages in its wake, it also resulted in nearly 140,000 people losing their lives. Natural disasters, a sinking economy, and corrupt government have led to despair and poverty for many Burmese people. Bring hope to refugees, the lost, and the broken, in a country fighting to embrace tradition while moving away from the old regime.
On another another note, thank you to everyone who has already supported me! You all have been so encouraging! My first deadline is coming up in just under 3 months and I need to have $3,500 in my account. I’m almost there but if you haven’t please pray and consider joining my team through financial support! Please let me know if you want a letter or more info on how to do that!
If you made it this far, thanks for reading my ramblings!
Love, Rachel
