(I wrote this on the flight from my home in Denver to Atlanta, the location of launch, the place where it all began)
this is it.
this is it.
this is it.
that phrase is on repeat in my head, like a broken record stuck at the crescendo of the song. This moment is the culmination of a year of thinking and praying and then seriously thinking and really pressing into The Lord and seeking answers and signs and emails (our God can do anything right?) from Him. It's the culmination of years of walking with The Lord, sometimes much more committed than others. All roads have led here. Each experience I've had, person I've met, job I've held, place I've traveled to The Lord has used to prepare me for this exact moment.
This moment encompasses a hodge podge of feelings and emotions. It's all very cats in the cradle, as my friend Angie would say.
On the one hand I'm holding back tears because I won't be able to hug my mom or have a glass of wine with my friends or sleep in my own bed for a year. I'm missing milestones in friends' lives and potential relationships and worst of all, my favorite season, fall.
Another part of me is scared. What if get malaria, what if I accidentally drink the water, what if my ministry efforts flop? What if it's too hot, what if I get in a fight with a teammate, what if my contact yells at me? What if my stuff gets stolen, what if a teammate gets sick, what if I forgot something?
Yet in the midst of this churning lake of fear and anxiety, God is here. The truth that He loves me, that He is strong, and that He goes before me falls like gentle rain, sending out ever-widening ripples of peace. And as I lean into these truths, into Him, the rain becomes heavier and I am drenched in peace and dancing for joy.
This year I get to travel to 11 different countries, exotic, beautiful countries, with incredibly beautiful people. I get to experience cultures that most people only dream of. I get to bear witness to God's powerful work in these places and people. I get to learn the true meanings of community and sisterhood with 6 beautiful, God-fearing women. I get to love and be loved by 42 people who love Jesus with all they are.
I get to be refined and transformed by a God who declares that I am His. I get to trust Him in an outrageous, jump-off-a-cliff-to-a-2000-foot-drop kind of way.
And at the end, I get to hold all these things in my heart and share them with my world at home. I get to share the good news that God is doing a new thing,and it's about time we got on board.
I would venture to say that I am pretty blessed.
So, what circumstances are you facing that need a fresh perspective? What decision is God asking you to make that scares the crap out of you?
Remember that gratitude is in the eye of the beholder.
Remember that Our God is good and strong and He loves you.
Only good things come from His Hands.
