“I miss Tita Isabelle”, she said.
“Who is Tita Isabelle?”
“She was one of you and she was here for two months. She left at the end of August to go back to the US. We miss her…..you all come and then you leave and forget about us”
I was in the middle of connecting, through card stock and precious moments stamps, with a table full of community angels (at-risk girls in the community around KIM). I had just been congratulating myself on remembering their names and imagining them at 30 years old, telling anyone who would listen about the life-changing influence “Tita Rachel” had on their lives. Then, with a few short words, Danika completely burst my missionary-of-the-year bubble.
Can you say, reality check?
With my beautiful dream lying limp on the floor I thought to myself, “What am I even doing here? What’s the point of investing in these girls if I’m just going to leave and they will end up even more hurt than before? And my heart will be broken too? What’s the point in investing in anyone on the Race?”
Coming on the Race, this thought entered my mind, but in my Pollyanna way I honestly figured it just wouldn’t bother me. I assumed I would love every orphan, every single mother, every toothless old man with all the tenacity and exuberance of Christ, even if just for one month.
All of a sudden, that didn’t seem like such a good idea. All of a sudden, I felt like putting up walls, walls that allowed me to do the bare minimum of relational ministry and get out unscathed of heartbreak and sadness. All of a sudden, I felt like staying inside the walls of my heart, completely eliminating the risk of hurt. Unfortunately, doing that would also eliminate the potential for joy.
I went around to my team and then different members of the squad, posing this dilemma to them. I found that everyone, in some way, experienced a similar feeling and most people simply expressed a hope that in the end things would come out net positive. However, my teammate Meghan shared with me what a former World Racer had shared with her:Jesus faced this too. He did ministry, not only moving from town-to-town and people-to-people, but with the cross forever looming in the background. Not only did he have to leave the people he was investing in but he had to face the realization that the people He healed, redeemed and, most importantly loved, so dearly, they were the very people who in three short years would shout out “Crucify him!!”.
He very easily could have put His foot down and said, “No. It’s not worth. I will not love, I will not heal, I will not cast out demons. It won’t make a real difference”. But he didn’t.
He lived each day with only the present in mind.
He loved each person as though they were the only ones to love.
He put one foot in front of the other with purpose and integrity, despite each step bringing Him ever closer to the cross.
What excuse do we have for not doing the same?
In what ways are you tempted to keep your heart walled off from hurt or pain? What are you withholding from the people around you in the name of self-preservation? What is one small way you can take a risk and go out on a limb to love someone today?
Dancing to a remix of “Jesus Loves Me” during VBS with kids from the community
Talking to two precious angels during a feeding at the site of the 2009 flood.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
To all the dear people in my life who have supported me and are supporting me through prayer, financial giving, and moral support, thank you. I just got down to the $1000 mark, I only need $1800 to be fully funded!
So if you would like to be a part of what God’s doing in and through me on the Race, first of all, subscribe to my blog through the link to the left, then prayerfully consider supporting me financially. But most important of all, please keep me, Team Sozo and V Squad in your prayers. I love you!
