Wow it's been a month since I wrote something!
Honestly, I'm worn out.
Even though God is love and is daily confirming this trip through large donations, I'm not even half way funded. And quite frankly, fundraising is hard and stressful.
Random payments, car repairs and gear all cost money. Money that I wanted to put in my funding account. But things will never ever go my way, and I learning to be thankful for that.
Not only is money causing stress, but my heart and mind have been worked out like crazy.
God is making changes, moving in and moving things around.
I don't know why I thought I'd start changing my heart issues when I finally got on the mission field, or got home as a 'changed' person. If we await change in those far off, future settings in different places then we will never change. Starting now is the only way to change.
I guess that's a simple lesson I've been learning lately.
Every single thing, when you look it over, turn it around and finally find the perspective God sees it from, is designed to reflect glory to Him.
The mundane days where my attitude is so negative…that can be turned around.
When I'm confronted about something negative in my life…turned around.
When I don't want to ask for help with fundraising because of my pride…that needs to be turned around too.
The days when I'm physically exhausted…God turns it around.
The days like today when I didn't want to write this blog because I feel like nothing 'noteworthy' or 'amazing' has happened lately…that was turned around.
God doesn't use our perfect days. In fact I'm not sure He even likes our perfect days. Self reliance is an ugly thing and cheapens the cross.
But I think this where I find the most excitement…this month I've experienced being used by God while being dirty and messed up. He goes there and it's truly beautiful.
Love really does cover everything. It's like a giant blanket that covers our tedious sinful thoughts.
When I begin thinking anything negative about any situation in life, it's cut off by love.
I heard an illustration (Crosslife family!) that said we look at the love God gives us as being held in a bucket. (Our human minds tend to accept God's blessings in finite amount.) We image God gives us a bucket full of love and we hand cups of it out to the people we come in contact with. But that illustration would limit God.
The correct image is a deep well. God's love flows through us from bigger places. Every situation we face can be covered in ample doses of love scooped out by God himself, not us.
(yippee:)
So now when I'm worn out or feel like my response to someone will be WAY less than positive, I don't worry.
I don't try to gather up enough goodness. (Haha.)
It's rather simple. In that moment- I've learned to accept defeat of myself and ask God to respond through me, use me, and the hard part: be willing to release pride and selfishness.
We are so twisted but God can untwist us.
We are so useless, but God uses that.
We are so unloveable. But God still really loves us. I can't believe it.
He excitedly waits for you. Right now. He's already forgotten that sin you think is blocking you from Him, He's just waiting eagerly for you to run to Him where He can cover you with love, blessings and joy. He really is that good.
Thank you guys for your support. Thanks for reading this! God's confirming this adventure through you.
I'm almost to my first goal of $3,500 but definitely need some help. Every bit matters.
https://www.adventures.org/give/donate.asp?giveto=worldrace&desc=For+Rachel+Price
Or, get some art:
http://www.indiegogo.com/theworldrace?a=704286
