Something Bad Happened

I had just woken up.
 
My mission: find an unoccupied bathroom. I fumbled out of my tent into the house, and my bleary eyes almost overlooked my team huddled around a computer.
 
Two minutes into the day, and something was wrong.
 
Spontaneous prayer session before breakfast, anyone? We each prayed for my teammate, who had just received sad news from home.
 
I did not know the people involved.
I was not affected by the situation.
I was still trying to wake up.
 
My turn to pray, and I silently asked God to give me the words to say because my physical body was distracted by other needs.
 
I maybe said two words before the tears came without warning. Big tears that squeezed out of my closed eyes and made it almost impossible for me to say anything.
 
Quite the surprise for a girl who does not cry.
 
I had asked for words to say, and God made it impossible for me to speak.
 
They were not my tears. The warning signs that I was about to cry were not there—no tight throat, stinging nose, broken heart.

 

That morning, at a time when we came to Him in prayer because our friend was hurting, God showed me that He was sad, too.
 
Sometimes in moments of hurt and sadness, people get upset because “God let it happen” or “God could have fixed it.” And you know what? Those are valid feelings to have during the process of grieving.
 
“How can there be a God if bad things happen to good people?” I have been asked this question. I have been the one doing the asking.
 
I do not know. I do not know the grand plan or the big picture. There is a lot of sadness and unfairness out there.

Through it all, He is there. Sometimes it does not feel like it, but He will make Himself known when asked. He feels the pain that we are feeling.

Words will never fix the situation that the family was going through, is still going through.
 
But in a time when words were lacking, He gave me His tears.
 
Tears that said the situation sucked.
Tears that said it was okay to be broken.
Tears that said God was there, crying with us.
 
Tears that spoke louder than words.