A semi plowed by, giving me yet another lung-full of polluted air. The air here in Honduras is sometimes so heavy with diesel smog that I can feel it burn my eyes. This fact makes running breathing a challenge at times.
So there I was. Running up a hill. Breathing in vehicle toxins. Stomach on day 7 of not being my friend. And I was only fifteen minutes into my run.
At this point, I regretted not running consistently for, oh, let’s say the last year and a half.
I still look like an athlete. I wear the running shorts, rock the Brooks shoes, and fuel my body with workouts in mind.
A nice façade, until my cardio status is made painfully obvious on the hills.
It can be so easy for us to act like our lives are “in shape”. To hide our messiness while we go through the motions of living “right”. But how can God be given glory if we do not admit our weaknesses? If we pretend like we can do it on our own, without His strength and grace?
I have functioned under the assumption that I cannot be my raw self because people would view me differently. I would lose that “good girl” image, and the disappointment would permeate the looks of those around me.
It would be easy to live behind the façade of having it all together.
But I want to be real instead.
I want to be okay with not being okay.
I want to allow myself to own up to my mistakes.
And I will do this, because facades crumble quickly when tested against the Honduran hills.
“See, the former things have taken place, and new things I declare”—Isaiah 42:9
So there I was. Running up a hill. Breathing in vehicle toxins. Stomach on day 7 of not being my friend. And I was only fifteen minutes into my run.
At this point, I regretted not running consistently for, oh, let’s say the last year and a half.
I still look like an athlete. I wear the running shorts, rock the Brooks shoes, and fuel my body with workouts in mind.
A nice façade, until my cardio status is made painfully obvious on the hills.
It can be so easy for us to act like our lives are “in shape”. To hide our messiness while we go through the motions of living “right”. But how can God be given glory if we do not admit our weaknesses? If we pretend like we can do it on our own, without His strength and grace?
I have functioned under the assumption that I cannot be my raw self because people would view me differently. I would lose that “good girl” image, and the disappointment would permeate the looks of those around me.
It would be easy to live behind the façade of having it all together.
But I want to be real instead.
I want to be okay with not being okay.
I want to allow myself to own up to my mistakes.
And I will do this, because facades crumble quickly when tested against the Honduran hills.
“See, the former things have taken place, and new things I declare”—Isaiah 42:9
Mementos of this last week:
- I took stitches out of a cat
- My squad mate got bit by a dog
- Another squad mate got stung by a scorpion
- My team and I painted the living room of our ministry host’s house—chocolate brown, sky blue, with a peachy ceiling. Lookin good!
- I can officially say I have washed clothes by hand
- Every Friday my squad and I stand in a street intersection with signs that say “Pita si amas Jesus” (Honk if you love Jesus). So much fun to make a prevalent sound such as car horns into a praise to Jesus. And we got interviewed by a local Honduran TV station. : )
- The cravings for double stuff oreos and grilled cheese has reached a whole new level.
- We have to take a 30-minute bus ride to the mall in Teguc to have access to internet. This happens once a week. Thankful for Fridays!
