If you had asked me a month ago if I wanted to do any type of missions trip I would've laughed. And then said NO. And then maybe laughed again. Missions is the one part of my life I've always kept from God. It was like I said, "Here's all this God, but missions, nuh-uh, you can't have that, but thanks. I'm perfectly fine where I am, doing what I'm doing. That's my 'missions' and I really am not interested in whatever you're thinking." Then He laughed. Anyone who's known me longer than this past month knows how strong my opposition is. Honestly the reaction of some of my friends and family has been so comical because they think I'm joking, and when they realize I'm not they're floored.
So here's how all this craziness got started. About a month or so ago, my girlfriend Sarah who has been on the race (quick shout out to S Squad of October 2010!) brought it up on a walk. Immediately my walls went up. I pretty much shut it out, I mean I listened to some of it like the countries she had been in, but that was it. Then I didn't give it a second thought. All of a sudden the Holy Spirit starts dropping subtle hints, to which I immediately told Him to knock it off, it was never going to happen. Then the hints got a little more in my face. Clearly the HS was not down with me telling Him to bugger off. I mean the more I said no and shut down about it, the more obnoxious He got. He would put signs everywhere! So I finally gave a little ground and told God I would ask Sarah some questions.
In the mean time God had been closing major doors in my life, and making me super frustrated. I mean I'm all for your plan God, but no where in the Bible does it say you're supportive of us sitting around like a blob doing nothing. I wanted to go back to school, He kept shutting the door on that. I wanted to advance at work, and instead things got horrible and my hours have been reduced by 60%! I was in a confused place. "What are you doing God? I can't just sit here, not be in school and not be making any money! How unproductive and slobbish do you want me to feel?!" He didn't say anything for awhile until Sarah popped into my life with all this World Race business…
Now I've known about the World Race for a week. Sarah and I are on the same softball team and it comes up. Then we talk about it a little more before and during bible study. Then the Holy Spirit leads me look it up that night. I read some blogs, watch the video and then I do something I rarely do, cry. Now I'm about to have a convo with God:
I hear the Holy Spirit moving me, and God is whispering in my ear, "This is what I want."
To which I respond, "You want me to do what?! Shut the front door!"
I hear it again, "This is what I want."
At this point I'm a little perturbed. "Really God? I'm sorry, did you really just say you want me to give up my ridiculously comfortable and amazing life to live out of a bag and poop in a hole for a year?! Nope. I don't think so. You know how I feel about missions… What's your deal?! ALSO, do you maybe want to send me to Nicaragua for a week or something a little… less? You couldn't pick anything else except the most extreme Missions Trip I've EVER heard of?! Seriously?"
God wasn't having any of this. He said, "THIS IS WHAT I WANT."
I said, "Fine! If this is really what you want then I will begin to take the steps to pursue it and continue to take them, but you have to carry me through every door kicking and screaming. Because this is NOT my first choice, so make it abundantly clear to me that this is your plan."
Boy did He ever! I figured it out about 4 days after I applied. I knew it in my core and my heart completely changed! I began to get excited about the Race, I began to stalk the World Race. I would get emotional just thinking about it, which is sooo not me! I knew. I knew this is what my Father wanted and I was done fighting! If there is one thing God has been teaching me, it's "Why fight Me?" He is going to get His way eventually, so you might as well save the time and not waste the energy fighting Him! Just let go. And when I did I swear the Holy Spirit did a little victory dance… Rude. But now that I'm on this side of acceptance and I've heard and answered the call, I couldn't feel better about myself. I'm content again, even though everyday at work is hell, and the door for school right now is closed. I am so content because I know I'm doing what God wants, I'm part of His plan again, and that is the most amazing feeling!
So bring it on! I hear the call and I'm all in!
