Where am I at you ask? Well, I am in VIETNAM!
I got here a few days ago. We had our last travel day on a crazy bus together as Asquad and crossed into more of the lands of Southeast Asia. It was interesting. You would think that I would have travel days down by now. Especially because of the 20-35 hours bus rides I rode in Africa and then 24 hour long train rides in Europe? Nope. It was hard for me. I felt myself getting a bit frustrated and just wanted to get to where we were going.
It's funny. Most of my life I have been one of those people that blow through things. I usually rush and take the fast lane. Although, over the course of my walk with Jesus I've learned to slow down a bit. I have really purused and desired what being still and quiet in His presence looks like. I still don't have the art of it down. Half the time I forget and then wonder why I feel so flustered and anxious at the end of the day. But I'm learning. Everyday is a new chance to start over. I get re invited day after day, hour after hour to just come and sit with Him.
The past couple weeks I have been in a hard place. My heart has been flustered and desperately on the lookout for the rest and peace I had become such good friends with over the course of this journey. I don't even like saying hard place because let's be honest when is life really that easy anyway? I can't think of a better word right now though. So ya. I have been hit with a lot of differnet things and find myself struggling with this people pleaser thing that likes to come out and have me come under perceptions and expectations of those around me. What makes it hard is I always know when I'm doing it. And then I get even more frustrated when I can't just snap out of it.
I think I realized this week how tired I am. I don't know what happened? Somewhere along the way I forgot how much I really need Jesus. Maybe I was trying to run on my own strength, self sufficiency or from what I had already learned?
Today I am reminded of how weak I am. How I cannot do this alone. I cannot keep going on my own strength. I am fully aware of my need for the Lord and am humbled to say the least. I was brought back to the basics as I was combating some lies. 'Your right enemies, I am tired. I am weak. I am weary. What of it? My God is the I AM. He is strong. He is powerful. He is awake. He is alive. He is rest. He is peace. He is everything I need.
