The other day I was leaving the coffee shop that I have gotten to be apart of this month when I ran into this guy. I had seem him around the last week or so but was never able to have a conversation with him. Thing is, he sticks out around here like we do (because he's white).
And let's be honest, I haven't seen many of those this year except the 42 that I live with day in and day out, so when you see a white person you get overly excited and feel the need to talk them. It's just this weird thing that happens when you live overseas (#thirdworldproblems).
Anyways, we got talking and his name is Mac and he is from Tennessse. He is 19 years old and is sold out for God. He is here as a missionary with a group of college students doing an outreach program called, The Nehemiah Project for a few months. Part of their ministry is also the PenHOP Prayer House and that is where I originally saw him. So we were just chatting and having small talk when all of the sudden he dropped the question.
'What has been the most challenging/greatest celebration of your year?'
Oh goodness, they warned me about this question back in Cambodia at 8 month debrief when the missions staff came out and gave the 're-entry' talk. I thought I would be prepared for this question and almost wrote it off as 'it's not going to be that bad' when in fact it was, I froze.
The past 11 months flashed before my eyes and I was overwhelmed.
I laughed and sort of akwardly shrugged my shoulders as if to communicate 'let me get back to you on that one.'
And then withuout even realizing it I uttered the words relationships and community.
You know sometimes when you say something and don't even realize that you said it? I guess that's what happened in that moment.
'Really?' he asked. 'Care to share more?'
I began sharing my heart about how I came onto the race with the full expectation of serving and serving well. I came with the mindset that I needed to bring impact, I needed to do this and do that and this was my job for the year. That it was going to be this 9-5 thing that I would do everday. That it was what I was asked to do and I wanted to be faithful in that.
Little did I know, living in that community in Romania at Camiul Felix would forever change the course of this trip for me.
Doing life with people. Living in community. Being in relationships with one another. Sitting at the table as family. Speaking the truth. Loving when it hurts. Realizing your not always right. Exposing yourself.
I still remember the walk back to the missionary house we were staying at in September and having one of those 'wrestling' talks with Jesus about how I was going to do this for a whole year?
'God, this is hard. I don't know if I can do this? You didn't tell me about all of this. I came to serve, I came to do all the things that need to be done. God, loving with my whole heart is scarey, I mean do I really have to open myself up fully? Do I really have to let them in? What if I get hurt Lord? What if they don't like me back? What if I make a fool of myself? What if?
I remember what He said back to me clear as day.
The evening sun was setting, the sky was painted with white puffy clouds and there was a vast open field ever before me and I had just picked a pretty flower to put in my hair.
'This is what you were made for litle one. Life is about love. And love is about relationships. This is what I am calling you to.
Yes, there is a risk involved. Yes, there might be pain. Yes, there might be hurts. Yes, there might be things you don't understand. But, can you trust me? Are you okay not knowing all the answers? Are you ready for that? Will you say yes? Won't you just be okay with knowing that I love you, that I am for you, that I am a good Dad and that you work from a place of my Goodness?
Baby girl, life is not about doing. Life is about being and out of the overflow of your heart comes the response. This isn't about working a job for me. I am not an angry boss, I am a loving Father and I want to be in relationship with you.
This is what it's all about- unconditinal loving, risking and choosing day in and day out- when it's hard, when you don't want to- when you feel like you can't anymore, when nothing makes sense, when all you want to do is give up.
I imagine it like sitting at the dinner table with a person you love, yet your in the middle of a heated conversation. You're sitting there, directly across from one another, staring each other down. As if waiting to see who will get up from the table first.
The easy thing is to get up from the table.
The easy thing is to shut down and stop communicating.
The easy thing is to throw in the towel and walk away.
But we were made for so much more. Authentic love. We were created to be in ever lasting covenant with one another. We were created in the image of our maker who never leaves, but stays and works things out.
We get invited into fellowship with the God of this Universe who in all of His glory is still our Daddy.
And from that relationship- we get invited to realtionship with others. The gospel of John says 'this is how the world will know you are Mine, if you love one another.'
It quite possibly could be the hardest thing I've ever done, yet the most rewarding. I haven't known how to stay at the table, but I know that I sit with the One who does. I am willing to spend the rest of my life learning.
God is a God who invites us to His table. It's there that we get to work on this relationship, community and love thing. It's there that He longs to talk to us, to hear our hearts, to feed us five course meals and even give us a little taste of the most delicous wine.
It's there, in relationship with Him where the challenge is confonted with the celebration. We were made for holiness. Doing life with others allows the process of glory to glory to happen.
And to me, it is worth it.
Mac got a little taste of what's been going on in my life all year in a short conversation. I even think he might be going on The World Race next year. God is good.
