This last week I was in Ohio for my sister’s wedding and a vacation. It was an awesome much needed week off from work, life, and even fundraising for the race. To fulfill a promise to a friend, I didn’t think of a single thing race related all week and just “chilled”. There has been so much going on the past few months I seriously feel like my life is just an overwhelming whirlwind of opportunities and tasks to fulfill not to mention the roller coaster of emotions I have been experiencing since my acceptance. I seriously needed to recoup emotionally, spiritually, and physically and was able to accomplish all that in my time with my family.
Leaving Ohio was extremely hard though. I really enjoyed my time with my family and my vacation from life. Flying back into San Antonio yesterday, however, I had a joy inside and the feeling of being home. Yet, I also felt at home in Ohio. How can one feel at home in two different places in the same day?
There are so many options and opportunities for me at this point while I am waiting to go on the race. With only $1,750 raised so far and owing a total of $3,500 by May 3, I have to think about different options to counter the “what if” I don’t raise enough funds by May. Am I okay with pushing my journey back to September, or even January? I obviously will have no choice if the funding doesn’t come in on time. If I don’t have $3,500 in my account by May 3 or by May 10th at the latest for the grace period, then I will have no other option but to switch my route to a later date.
In addition to the funding, I have had this gnawing feeling in my stomach for the past few months that something is off. My mind always goes back and forth between the reason for the numb feeling being either me living in San Antonio or my launch date for the race being in July. Could it be both?
Arguments against going back to Ohio start out with, “But I can’t leave San Antonio,” I tell myself, “I have a job here, my clients are here, and my life is here.” Leaving San Antonio, to me, will be a bad financial move with trying to raise funds for the race. I don’t want to leave my church because it is by far the best church I have ever been to, and I worry that I won’t find a church in Ohio or anywhere else that I fit into as much as I do my church here. I don’t want to leave my clients, I don’t want to leave my friends I made here, and I don’t want to leave the 110 degree weather! (I know. I am WEIRD). But so many people, including myself, want me back in Ohio. There are so many reasons to stay in Texas, yet at the same time, there are so many reasons to leave it. So, “should I stay or should I go?”
My reservations on changing my route and launch month are because I felt so STRONGLY that God wanted me to leave in July and I have grown to love my current squad mates. But now I ask myself if it was God, or my impatience and wanting to “get the race STARTED” that pushed me to want to leave in July. So, “should I stay or should I go NOW?”
After my “week off” I have come to a general decision. If funding for my May deadline does not come in by the grace period, I will seriously look into moving back to Ohio. With that situation, it is obvious I will need to change my launch date, so I will pray about leaving in September or January. There is a lot to think about, there is a lot to consider, and there is a lot to pray about. I will not quit in my attempts to raise enough money to meet my May deadline. However, I have come to a peace that perhaps this gnawing uneasiness is because I am on the wrong route, and/or even the wrong state. It saddens me to think this as I have grown to really appreciate my “squad mates” and enjoy each one I am getting to know via our Facebook page. But there will be future squad mates that God may want me to get to know more than the ones I already know. And even though there is so much I will miss about Texas, there is so much I miss about Ohio, and spending time with my family before I leave for a year sounds so amazing to me right now.
Whatever my decision, I know that everything will work out for good.
Romans 8:28 “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to HIS purpose.”
I know that I love God, I know that HE has called me to this race, and I know that HIS purpose will be accomplished through me. So whatever happens, I know it is ultimately for His glory. So I have peace.
I am going to be in constant prayer about these upcoming decisions at least until I know if I have enough funding for my May 3 deadline or not. Will you help me in praying about these upcoming potential changes and for peace and wisdom on where and when to move?
Also, either way, I still need funding! Since I mentioned I will not give up on working to reach my May 3 deadline, I am asking for seven people to give $25, seven to give $50, seven willing to donate $75, and seven people to give $100 to help me reach the remaining $1,750 I need for my first deadline! I know a lot of my friends are already supporting other missions ministries monthly, and if that is you, that is okay. You can still help me out with a one-time gift. I know a few people decided to cut out one “out to eat” day in the month to afford the $25 or $50 amount. If you are already giving to a ministry, perhaps this is something you can do just once to help support my trip!
I know my Ohio friends will probably give AFTER the May 3 deadline since you all want me home! 
But, I encourage you all (Ohio or non Ohio friends) to pray about how much to give, and when. I am excited to see how/when God will move and where he leads me to! Thank you in advance for all your prayers, words of encouragement, and financial support! It does not go unnoticed and it is much needed!
