As Project Search Light comes to an end on this rainy Friday, I just can’t help but think I shouldn’t have come in the first place.
I got home from the World Race to what I can only best describe as a mess.—no car, no place to live, dying or declining relationships, and an emptiness from saying goodbye to the community I had known for eleven months.
Despite all my efforts to stay afloat, my hope was dwindling and it was dwindling quickly. I started to doubt God, my relationship with Him or that even His existence. I began turning into that person they all warned not to be after the race, the person who lost all hope and slid into a life worse than before they left.
Consumed by having depression, having no money, having no car, biking to work in the cold twenty degree weather and living in a windowless basement, my days consisted of sleep and crying out to God. My motivation and hope was dying.
I knew I needed to come to Project Searchlight, but the money wasn’t there, my motivation was down the drain, and my depression just preferred to be in bed.
By all accounts, I shouldn’t have come to Project Searchlight. I had no money to get here and no motivation to try. But right as I was about to throw in the towel to my life, I had a conversation with a friend that reignited the burnt out flame in my heart. The flame was small and slowly burning, but it was warm and it motivated me to make some bold prayers.
I started praying and declaring that God would make a way for me to come to Project Searchlight, even joking that it would be last minute, because that is typically how He works in my life.
The day before I was supposed to drive to Georgia for Project Searchlight, I still didn’t know how I would get here when a friend’s mom donated $200. Another friend said, “You are worth my investment, and I believe in you.” She then donated $55 for the registration fee to Project Searchlight for me. It wasn’t exactly enough to rent a car on the way home but enough to get here with a little extra, and that was all I needed at the moment.
Excited I left the Sunday before and drove to Gainesville.
Project Searchlight has been a big blessing this week, and I cannot help but stop thinking I shouldn’t have been here by the world’s standards BUT my GOD wanted me here and made it happen.
The speakers, the one-on-ones, the worship—EVERYTHING—is exactly what I have needed to get my fire re-lit and burning furiously for God.
Tuesday was a day of brokenness for me; I laid it all out to God and cried out to Him. On Wednesday, God walked me through intense healing, rest and rejuvenation—something I wasn’t able to have at home. Thursday changed my life.
Before Project Searchlight I thought I was going to do Fellowship, a program with Adventures in Missions. But the Lord showed me a new plan, which wouldn’t have happened had I not come to Project Searchlight and let me tell you, it is exciting. God showed me this plan on Thursday.
Project Searchlight is not another program in addition to the World Race. It IS PART of the World Race, and if you didn’t come, you didn’t finish well. If you are a racer thinking of doing Project Searchlight, don’t think, just do. Because it was here that I realized everything I went through was normal, and now I have the necessary tools to fight back.
Despite the Devil’s nasty tricks I am here. Despite me not supposed to come because I didn’t have money or motivation I am here. I know because of that, my life is forever changed, all because of one week in Gainesville, Georgia that I shouldn’t have come to.
