Here’s the thing, in my life I’ve always had this underlying sense of chaos to me. Always there either in my words, my actions, or hidden in my heart. There’s always been a little of restlessness and uneasiness that I’ve never defined till now. It’s an absence of peace in me. Before i accepted Jesus into my heart, my life was complete chaos. Living in sin, choosing my own way, and what I want, pursuing the world and trying to find my identify through worldly things. But once God opened my eyes, and Jesus entered my life, I felt peace and assurance and joy unlike anything else, cause the Holy Spirit came into my heart. But the thing is, over time I’ve lost the peace. I live my life just doing and doing and doing, but the question is, “why am I so restless?” I see so many times, the Lord doesn’t command us to “do things”, but more often times he says to “be still”, “abide in me” “find peace and rest”. Because when you just do things, because that’s what your “supposed to do”, but lose sight of the why behind the do, you find your self restless. I’ve always been a active person, a ” go-getter”, a determined “let’s get it done” type of person. But the fact is, If I look at my heart most of the time, I’m restless, I’m tired, I’m worn. And the only person I can blame is myself. Because I have this superhero waiting to scoop me up and to rescue me, but I’m insistent on doing it myself, by my power. Which lets get real ain’t much. I have a personal relationship with a Heavenly Father, who loves me more than I could ever comprehend, and yet I try to live my life for Him, but through my power without His peace, which makes no sense. God is my hero just waiting for my call, to completely invade my circumstances and my heart to be filled with peace and rest. Knowing what to do isn’t the hard part, but actually doing it, there’s the challenge. In the same sense in that I’m struggling, it’s been so amazing to have a God who shows me these things, to have a God that shows me my unrest, and simply says “rest in me.” To have a God that says “ask and it will be given unto you”. So that’s where I’m at, in a place of seeking the Lord, asking for rest, and peace. Peace is something that is so captivating to me, something that is completely from the Lord, it’s unmistakeable. It’s something my heart yearns for. So, I’ve been beginning the journey of seeking peace of the Lord. I yearn for peace with my past, with who I am, what God wants, and in every little nook and cranny in my heart. He’s shown me so many examples of peace in my life, of my family, Tyler, and little parts of my heart. I yearn for a peace that overtakes my soul, in a way only the Lord could ever do. I’m excited to see what God does, he’s showed me this place of growth, and I’m excited to see how different everything is when God overthrows my heart, and replaces the chaos with peace.
Matthew 11:28-30
“Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly of heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
