Jumpstart my heart
After I posted my last blog about my heart issues, I began to try to fix things and worry about why my heart wasn’t ‘right’. When I started questioning whether my heart was on or off of God, it brought a lot of confusion and worry. Neither of those things are from God- which should have been my first hint. As usual though, I didn’t take that hint.
So after writing some emails and having some deep worry-filled prayers, I decided to rest. In my rest I watched the movie Letters to God.
It opened my eyes to a truth God had revealed to me before.
As I sat there crying through the whole movie I realized 1) I still have a heart (because it was breaking) and 2) I still have a heart for others, even those who have pains and struggles I have never known. I thank GOD for that realization and for the truth that followed.
After I sat on my emotions for a while, God reminded me of something He had spoken to me before on the race. He reassured me that because I do tend to be a very emotional person that He has protected me from a lot of the brokeness, because honestly I would be a mess if everything I encountered broke me the way it usually would. Then He taught me that I should use my lack of brokeness to express the stability, peace, and joy I have only through Him.
Ya know how sometimes people are just affected by things they normally wouldn’t be affected by? Like when you see a sad movie or hear a sad story that you normally would be okay with, but one day you just break down over it? Maybe thats just me and the way God has wired me with my emotions, or maybe its just women, BUT still, those breakthrough moments are God. Those moments are when He has allowed us to feel. Those broken moments leave us with a new understanding and passion for whatever it was that broke us. That passion leads us to change.
If God allowed me to be broken for everything ‘I should’ be broken for on this race I would be overwhelmed with passion to change so many different things that I might never change one. Instead, God is allowing me to excercise my joy and stability so that when the one thing He calls me to breaks me, all my passion and drive can spark movement and with that concentrated passion, God will do big things through that movement.
So, thank you all for your prayers for my heart! God has taught me a lot about it and I challenge all of you to look at where you are. If you know your heart is not on God, I don’t think there is confusion involved, I think you just know. And if you’re confused about where you are just keep walking in love and obedience and trust that He’ll give you the emotions He wants you to have. We don’t have to try to create passion or emotion (because the truth is we can’t)- those things are gifts from God.
