FEARLESS
Last week all of P squad came together in Romania for debriefing (worship, catching up with the other 10 teams, ect.). Though we’ve had debriefings before we knew this one would be different. For those of you that aren’t fimiliar with the world race its set up where there are teams, team leaders, and squad leaders. When we started out 11 people were chosen from all of us to be team leaders and then we had squad leaders that had been on the race before that were over them.
At this debriefing going into month 4 we all knew it was the time that the squad leaders pick new squad leaders to step up and take their places. This is pretty exciting but it also means that teams change.
This was something that I was kinda scared and kinda excited about. On bad days it felt like well I only have to make it until month 4 and then maybe God will put me on a different team, but on most days it was the feeling of I finally feel comfortable and really love these people what if God takes them off my team??
Anyways, our second day in our house in Romania we had worship and prayed and we all had to make the choice that our team changes were in God’s hands. We had to trust that our squad leaders were listening to the Holy Spirit when they made out the new teams and that wether we got a team we wanted or not, it was definitely the team we needed to be on and a team God had planned for us to be on. The way it all happened was, we each had individual letters and inside the letters it had our team leaders name and all our new teammates name listed below. Our squad leaders told us that once they handed out the letters we weren’t to talk to anyone for an hour and we werent supposed to open them until we were alone with God and our hearts were focused completely on HIM.
So I got my letter and as everyone was clearing out of the room to go to their own personal place I saw that where my team (city lights) and I had eaten lunch and our mess was still out. When I saw it I felt like God was telling me to clean it up before I opened my envelope. So I went over picked up our mess and stared to wash a couple dishes we had left out. As I did I really felt God speaking to me. HE was telling me, “Before you start something new and open up this envelope its important to wash the old things from team city lights. you can’t go into this new team with a list of things to do from the old team. know that this is a fresh start.”
After I washed the dishes I went outside and prayed and opened my envelope. When I saw my team I couldn’t beleive it.
My new team leader: Jake. My teammates: Kendra, Leah, Sami, and Daniel.
I couldn’t believe it!! 3 of the 6 people from my old team were on my new team and I couldnt believe Daniel and Sami were on my new team because they were both from team green light- the team that we had been working with and living with the entire time we were in Ireland! It was awesome!
It just shows how good God is.
As good as team changes have been for me, it was still hard.
I have had to realize that I was not all God called me to be the first 3 months of the race. HE had called me to be bold in my faith and joyful in my love for HIM. Instead, I sought out safety and comfort in my friendships and relationships. I played it safe by not allowing my faith or love to be expressed too intensely. Too often I held my tongue because I was too afraid to speak the truths HE had given me.
Thats a scary thought: realizing that I withheld things God gave me to give.
It broke my heart when I realized that for the first 3 months I hadn’t surrendered myself completely to HIM and in doing so, I held on to things I was meant to give away–especially to my teammates.
After a lot of tears and apologies–especially to Stacey and Kendra– I had to let go. I realized I hadn’t taken advantage of our friendships. With Stacey, I just knew we had more to teach each other and with Kendra it just broke both of our hearts to see how we had allowed such a good friendship to remain shallow. Though we were both growing deeper in our relationships with God while living in the same tent together, we never really allowed our friendship to go to those depths or made it a point to push each other deeper spiritually when things got tough.
I told them both that I loved them so much and I was sorry for not blessing them fully with what God had given me for them. I told them I was sorry that fear had paralysed a lot of work HE was doing through me, but most importantly– GOD IS THE REDEEMER OF ALL THINGS. I can fully trust that HE will make up for all my mistakes. I know that the things HE gave me to give to team city lights will still be given to them even if it isn’t through me. God is so good. I fully believe His will to bless HIS people cannot be harmed by my many mistakes. HIS love is relentless– even when I relent. Praise GOD!!
***
Since obviously fear held back soo much growth and glory to God in my place in my last team, I think it is very awesome and appropriate that my new team name is team fearless!! As I walk through this journey with my new team, my prayer is that we all walk fearlessly in all that God has equipped us with:) I love you all and I hope you will remember us in your prayers as well as my old teammates: Laura, Robby, and Stacey Compton. Thanks again for your support! Yall have NO idea how much it means to me that you continue to follow my blogs–especially after a month of me being terrible about blogging! Your comments and love are such an encouragement and remind me that God can receive glory through this blog if I will just share the amazing things HE is doing around the world:) Thanks again! and pleeease feel free to email me prayer request, notes, ect. at: [email protected]
through HIS love
-Rachel
