I consider myself to be a very honest person when I think the person can handle my honesty.. In other words, I consider myself very honest when I by the grace and guidance of God I can be honest and gentle at the same time– so here, I am going to be honest.
I’ve been thinking about my expectations for the world race for months now. Six months ago I would’ve told you with pure excitement I was expecting to be broken and I couldn’t wait. As off as that might sound, it was honest because throughout my life I had found God in such beautiful ways of healing when I was most broken… I now realize that the brokenness will occur and He will be there to heal, but I’d waaay rather find Him in ways that don’t always come from heartbreak and tears. I want to seek Him in the beauty and love displayed around us, because I do know where I seek I will find, and I don’t always have to find Him in my pain.
So in the next year, I expect that I will seek Him and find Him more in the good, and when the bad is there I am sure He will be seen there as well. I have also come to the conclusion that the only thing I can expect from this crazy journey I am about to embark on is to find Him- nothing more, nothing less. (Obviously, there is nothing more anyone could want than seeing Him so I’m hoping you all know what I’m saying).
I am at a point right now where I’ve realized that there is so much to this trip and my mind will be blown so many times, that if I really start on my expectations I will get lost in them. There is just too much to expect anything. When I started to get caught up in what would happen on the race, I lost sight of the things going on right in front of me. Yes, I am very excited and I know I’m going to fall even more in love with God and the people around me during the race, but I also know I can’t get caught up in that yet. I am where I am, and right now I have to love those and live in community with those right in front of me. I’m trying to be fully present where I am and I will strive to be just as devoted to my teammates while I’m on the race.
I guess I can sum this whole blog up in just saying that I have no clue what my expectations are for this trip. All I know is that I feel that God has called me to it and God is blessing me with the finances- so I’m going. To see Him where we seek Him is all any of us need to expect, whether we are on an 11 month mission trip or just going about our day. He’ll never disappoint us.
