Being in Haiti has been hard for me. When I see a problem I fix it. Even if I don’t know how to, I do something. I can’t sit still and expect something to be fixed unless I’m working on it– EVEN if someone else is working on it… That’s a major problem. It’s an attitude that people need me to get things done and it’s a burden that I have to do it all.
When I first signed up for the WR I knew this was a way of thinking that I had to let go of. I knew I could never raise all the money and do everything I had to do without help. So I thought I laid it down, but God is showing me I possibly picked it back up.
Like I’ve said before I was very overwhelmed when I came into Haiti. There is so much that needs to be done. HAITI STILL NEEDS SO MUCH HELP and I had no clue where to start or what I possibly could do to even make a dent in the huge restoration this place needs. I was really discouraged. This month we’ve been blessed to work in so many different ministries. We pretty much can choose what we feel led to do and do it but in my mind nothing was good enough. There wasn’t a single ministry I felt I could be a part of that could be strong enough to tackle even part of all the destruction. Then I started praying about it. I asked God for encouragement and I asked Him to lead me to know what I could possibly do for these people.
And of course, God opened my eyes to His truth. I realized I was wanting to work by my own strength. I was searching for a way to work hard, do great things, and then be proud of myself at the end of the day. God is refusing my prideful request.
So here I am in Haiti. My creole sucks, we can’t afford a full time translator, I don’t have any extra money, food, or clean water to give to people, and I pretty much felt like all the resources I needed to make a difference were gone. I was so wrong. When my eyes were opened, I was able to see I was over looking my most powerful resource of all- God.
The most powerful gift I can give Haiti is to be present here full of His presence. That’s a hard pill to swallow for me. As much as I love God and think I trust Him, its very hard to see what I’m seeing and trust that He is doing something great.. as silly as it sounds my pride screams out at me saying, “well doesn’t He need my help?!?!” The answer is no. That’s the beauty of God’s love for us. He doesn’t need us at all or for anything but He wants us. He wants to live in us and walk with us. If I am staying filled with His Holy Spirit, my presence is a blessing to Haiti. A lot of times I think prayer is good but I also need the work of my own hands- God isn’t letting me do that this month. This month I am having to stay in constant prayer for Haiti and that is more than enough! I’m praying for God to do all that I can’t and to give these people what they need. He is their only hope.
Whether He miraculously heals the sick or sends doctors, whether He brings food through other missionaries or drops it down from the sky- I know Haiti is in God’s hands. I trust that God is working for the good of Haiti and I’m blessed to be here in the disaster to lift it up in prayer. I have no doubt God will do great things here. As I work in the schools playing with the kids and teaching English I know that God is doing more than what I see in the natural. I have faith and I am learning to trust that God is changing things drastically in the spiritual realm around me.
Ephesians 6:11-13 (New Living Translation)
11 Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. 12 For we[a] are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.
13 Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm.
