CONTROL FREAK!

I have a confession to make.  I fell very short of the goal in making it to May 1st with my support account.  Day 2 came and it was very hard.  I caved.  Not only in checking my account, but in eating sweets. 

 

I AM A CONTROL FREAK!  I take charge of things…not that this is bad, but instead of relying on God’s help, I rely on myself.  I try to consume my life with with things that I can do, not the man up above.  Who am I?  When I think about how big this world is, and even the galaxies, I don’t even compare.  So, why then do I try to take charge?  I think it’s a huge lack of faith.  Matthew 17:20 says “Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”  I want to see this!   This means much is going to happen if only there was faith.  As I am writing this, it’s ironic (maybe not exactly the right word) that the subnotes say in some Bibles vs. 21 says “But this kind does not go out, except through prayer and fasting.” 

 

So, ironic…I would say ‘no.’  I am going to trying this all over again.  Giving up control is not easy for me, but may God be glorified in my life, not Rachel Martin!  I am going to be fasting sweets again and I will be giving up looking at my account.  Like others on my squad have said, it may not seem that big of a deal to some of you, but it’s huge to those of us who are doing this.  To live out of a backpack for 11 months by choice is radical.  I don’t care what people say about it.  Giving up checking my support account may also be, but I need to find the freedom and peace God gives.  I need to get to that place of total surrender of my control.