Written on 10.27.12
**I apologize that the website wasn't working well enough for me to paste my photos directly in here, but you can look at them under my photos!**
This whole month I have despised our contact's dog. Her name is Luna (Spanish for moon). She was black with a small patch of white on her neck. She was the mother of the pastor's puppy Glifford (they introduced him as Clifford to us). Clifford was really cute and lovable until he received the nickname "Pee Paws" for self explanatory reasons. But back to Luna… She was the definition of a nuisance. She was dirty and continually in our way, always exactly where we didn't want her. She insisted on coming with us everywhere, even though we tried our hardest to express that she wasn't welcome.
This all sounds rather harsh as I write it, but picture a stray dog (the family fed her, but never let her inside) following you everywhere you went… into town, on a run, going door to door for ministry, into a restaurant, into a nice hotel, up and down the stairs as you try to exercise and trying to lick you while to try to do push ups.. did a mention the grocery store? Or that she would cause all the dogs we passed to get upset and begin barking at us and chase after her and then she would come back our direction? Yeah.. not my favorite.
I wish I had a picture of her…
Today my team traveled to El Salvador to visit the ocean before we needed to head to Nicaragua on the 1st.
I journaled about a bunch of things that I am thankful for. At one part I wrote "I am thankful that Luna didn't cause me to trip and die as she followed Jess and I to the stairs and ran up and down with us etc." (She previously had caused some of us to trip and one of my teammates did fall).
I was rather annoyed that she followed us on our run to the stairs in town, as we snuck out and thought we were free from her… but we managed to finish our workout with her there. I finished strong with a sprint halfway down the street to the house. Dinner was ready, but I needed to walk a little first so I walked to the nearby rooftop to check out the sky some more before the sun disappeared completely. Jess didn't come, but of course the most loyal and persistent dog in the world had to.
In our last full day in Gracias, Honduras, the Lord taught me how to love Luna (perhaps not perfectly, but still :)) and used her mangy self to reveal more of Himself to me… funny how the Lord can literally use anything to make Himself more known and allow me to feel more loved through it.
Here's what happened: First, I tried to sneak up there as Luna walked straight ahead, but no luck. She followed me up there despite my best attempt to lose her and be up there by myself. She followed me as I walked and I tried to tell her to stay away and pushed her away with my foot. She was relentless. I kind of gave up and began to let my eyes roam my surroundings and allowed myself to get lost in the mountains for a few moments. Then I began to scan the rest of the landscape and began to admire the sky and it's soft and subtle changes in color and texture.. the big fluffy clouds, both white and gray, scattered across the light blue and lavender backdrop. The Lord spoke and told me to look at how big He was. I spun around slowly trying to take it all in. He reminded me that these giant mountains in the background were just a tiny piece of Gracias, which is just a small spot in Honduras, which is just a small section of Central America, which is just a tiny, itty bitty region of the world.
He compared my problem(s) [Luna] to how big He is and showed me how minuscule what I've been getting upset about is. I had to laugh at myself. The sky and clouds kind of looked like the ocean to me and He reminded me of how enormous the ocean is & how it's even greater than all of the sky that I was able to take in & that His grace is greater than the ocean. <3
He showed me how much He loves me, how faithful He is & how He will never leave me or forsake me, even when I try to push Him away and go my own way. Even when I'm not pleasant to be around, He is always ready to accept me. He is glad to accept me [this came to mind as Luna waited for me before going down the stairs and even waited on the landing for me.. with her tail wagging the whole time].
He showed me how He will stay with me & be by my side, even when others won't and shouldn't want to with my bad attitude through Luna, as she walked laps with me. He perserveres and is strong enough to take my abuse and continues to LOVE me. It's really quite amazing. I have done basically nothing but hate this dog ever since we arrived, but she has continued to love me through all my ugliness. Possibly the one nice thing I did for Luna was love on Clifford for a while, but that didn't last too long as we realized that he was a terror and chewed up my toothbrush as well as Jessica's and Shayna's headband etc. & he had pee paws!!
After Luna and I had walked one lap together, she went off to explore someone else's house and I began to think about how I wasn't deserving of anyone's love, but just knew that she would come back for me. I checked behind me several times, but she wasn't there..
I thought "well there goes my analogy of how God will always love me, how His love never fails and how He will always be there for me, then I sensed that Luna would be waiting for me back home. Sure enough, as I turned the corner, there she was. Waiting. Waiting for me in front of the house. That triggered the thought that even when I can't see His love, it doesn't mean that He no longer loves me or that when I can't see Him, it doesn't mean He's not there.. He might just be waiting for me to come back home.
He is always near, even if I can't see Him.
I've never been shown so much love and grace through something I've despised so much. The Lord showed me how much I was resisting and how the hatred/ bitterness that I was taking out mostly on Luna was a waste of my time and energy. Not to say that love is easy or without effort, but it's at least upbuilding.
Praise the Lord that He doesn't give up on us and for the freedom & hope that brings!! :))))
