I’ve been sitting in this coffee shop trying to write this blog for a few hours. It has brought me to tears, and made me think a lot, and even quit a few times. I ask that you read this with openness, and with grace; especially if you’re reading this just because you were mad at the title.
Lately, the top news being thrown around on social media and in conversation has made me sick, sad, or just feeling downright desperate. One of the stories that has made me most upset is that of the Stanford Rape Case; that of Brock Turner. Initially, I was only upset because of the atrocity of his actions. I read about this young man that had acted in a way that was just awful. It took me days to even muster the emotional capacity to read the letter from the victim. My heart was so broken for her, and so angry at him. I became so upset with our justice system, with sexual misconduct, and honestly just with people. I’ve felt heavy about it for a long time.
But lately, something has started to happen that has made me feel worse.
Recently, my newsfeed and my conversations have not only been filled with tragedy, but with hate. As angry as I have found myself in regards to this case, the hate it has brought out in people I love and respect has left me feeling worse. The hate is, in my opinion, the just response. So why does it fill me with so much despair? My answer came to me unexpectedly, through a lesson I’ve been learning in my own life on a completely different scale. That lesson is how to forgive people.
Bear with me. I understand the urge to push away the word forgiveness. I resonate with the discomfort, and even disgust with the idea of extending forgiveness to someone who has done such unspeakable things. If I’m honest, I resonate with the disgust of forgiving even those who have wronged us in small ways. The thing is, as Christians, we are not asked (or even capable) to bring justice, we are asked to bring love. So, here’s why I have decided I love Brock Turner.
This summer while I was in Atlanta training for the World Race, I heard an incredible talk on forgiveness. Before starting Bill told us he believes that for most people, there is one subject that they have found life changing, and think it’s imperative that everyone else know too. For him that subject is forgiveness. At hearing this, my stomach dropped. I knew immediately that I was harboring unforgiveness, and that it had been eating at me.
Bill pointed out some symptoms of unforgiveness:
– Rehearsing the wounding scenario often.
– Treating with indifference or talking about negatively.
– Becoming easily offended by the person or scenario.
– Carrying a wish, secretly or outwardly, that the person would experience pain or fail.
That night, I realized I was aligned with these symptoms. This week I realized that the majority of our nation is aligned with these symptoms. I have trouble even typing this, because I understand the weight of the statement, but we need to forgive Brock Turner.
First, let’s talk about US.
Bitterness is an awful thing. Especially in situations where we feel we must hold onto it for reasons of justice. Our hearts are caught in a vicious cycle, rehashing the past and making our wounds new again. We feel that we must hold on to our anger, because letting go of it would be weak or even dismiss the seriousness of the offense. A friend of mine explained it best this morning as we were discussing the Brock Turner case. He said, “it is so damaging to everyone to foster that kind of hate over and over and pretend that it’s a noble thing.”
What kind of people do we want to be? I have found myself, with so much hatred in my heart that I actually hoped bad things would happen to people. When we are in this state of mind, we are no longer aligned with good. We are aligned with the enemy because we hope that he will steal, kill, and destroy. We become a tool for hate itself, it gains a stronghold within us. When I stepped back and realized the severity of this was when I realized my need for forgiveness.
Next, let’s talk about Brock.
On my own study on forgiveness, I read something that hit me really hard. St. Augustine (one of my favorites) said, “If St. Stephen had not prayed, we would not have St. Paul.” To give this some context, Saul (later known as Paul the evangelist) was well known as a fierce opponent to the Christian faith, martyring those who aligned themselves with faith. He was among those who encouraged that Stephen be stoned to death. Stephen’s last words were “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.”
Wow. Honestly just wow. I just long for a heart like Stephen’s, because it led to incredible revival. Did this excuse the terrible things Paul had done? No. The radical forgiveness of Paul’s victim (and later his audience, and following) did not lead to dismissal of sin but to REDEMPTION FROM IT. An acquaintance of mine recently posted a short letter to Brock Turner that he will, unfortunately, likely never see. Part of it read, “I hate rape … and you can now be one of the biggest advocates against rape. You are a person who is capable of amazing things. Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t become a leader for justice now.”
HOW INCREDIBLE WOULD THAT BE. What if this public face of this awful tragedy and flaw in our world was someday given the forgiveness and the space to step up and become something greater, and live into his full potential. Not as a swimmer, but as an advocate. God is most glorified in our failure and weakness, and real change comes through people like Paul, who have so much broken past to offer. I choose to love Brock Turner, because who am I to view him as a villain if God could use him as a hero?
Finally, let’s talk about others like him.
Unfortunately, Brock is not the only person in the world who has raped. One of the reason this story has wrecked me so much is because I know I am about to experience a lot more. As you likely know, I leave in 23 days to an 11 month journey to serve the least of these and spread the amazing news of Jesus Christ. My heart breaks thinking of my first 4 months, where a large part of my ministry will be to those who have been victims of sex trafficking and unspeakable sexual tragedy, including rape. I am so incredibly angry that this is happening. I cannot imagine trying to love a pimp or client, especially after sharing life with any one of their victims. But they, like Brock, are children of God who need love. He sees their potential for beauty just like he sees the beauty of the prostitutes they have wronged. There is no part of me that is ready to forgive them for what they’ve done, but I pray that God will show them the same grace he has shown me, in spite of my broken heart.
Another lesson we learned in Bill’s talk on forgiveness was that it takes a lot of work. Our follow up was to include two steps, which I have to keep remembering.
– Make a conscious choice to forgive, then to continue living that way. Don’t wait until you feel it, extend forgiveness SO THAT you feel it.
– Stop living in reaction to the wound or offense.
– Pray blessing on them. Do this whether or not you mean it. Do this UNTIL you mean it.
Here’s my prayer, in an attempt to love Brock Turner. I hope you will join me in starting to free yourself and this man by finding it in your heart try and love him too. I invite you to share your prayers of blessing for this man in the comments.
“Hey Father. I need your strength and consistency to forgive Brock, and release both him and myself from the bondage of my grudge. I have begun to taste the joy and the freedom of forgiveness, but please allow me not to let cynicism and anger get in the way because of the stronghold of bitterness I have allowed. I pray that Brock will have peace and feel loved in a way that is so radical that it releases him from this act. I pray that his past will not define him, but that his future will be so full of redemption and conviction that it will undeniably be your work in him. I pray for peace and love in those surrounding him, and in his heart. Help me, and others like me, to love Brock Turner. Amen.”
