Many of you who subscribe to this blog know me quite well, but for those who may not, it’s important to know ahead of time that I love pizza. I love it a lot. In fact, it is my muse for this particular post.
Let me paint a picture of my evening for you…
It’s 10pm, I just got home. I didn’t have a chance to eat dinner today so, hungry on my way to my apartment I decided I would bake and eat a pizza when I arrived. I became very excited about it, because I know how much I love pizza. I probably sped home a little bit because of how excited I was. Honestly it’s hard to articulate how satisfying pizza is for me; it’s my favorite. I got home, took my frozen classic crust out and popped it in the oven, looking forward to the outcome. Unfortunately this is where the story goes awry. I realized then that I had 20 minutes to wait before I’d be able to enjoy this pizza. I had a decision to make: wait patiently for my pizza to be done baking, or snack a bit to hold me over. Since setting the timer on the oven, I’ve had a bowl of yogurt and granola and a quarter bag of kettle chips, foods I like less than pizza… and now I find myself disappointed. My great-grandmother used to say “hunger is the best sauce” because often we enjoy food more when we’ve been waiting. The timer just rang out for my pizza, but I am no longer as hungry for it. I will enjoy the slices, but perhaps not as much as I would have if I’d have been patient for what would really satisfy me.
This may seem like a ridiculous topic to blog about, but as I waited and snacked, I realized that this is what I have been doing in my life as well. Lately, I have settled for less. In the midst of some very trying and emotional times I have felt the pull of God on my heart. I’ve felt flawed, broken, and less than whole. Intellectually I’ve known that relying on Him, trusting Him, and spending time with Him would be the most wonderful soul quenching thing I could do, but instead I’ve filled my time with lesser things. I’ve sought after things that would not satisfy. I’ve placed value in relationships which are less important. I’ve snacked and enjoyed instant gratification that did not fully satisfy, when I could have been patient and enjoyed a meal that would leave me full. C.S. Lewis attributes some of life’s worst tragedies to trying to fill our metaphorically empty stomachs with something other than Christ in his book Mere Christianity.
“…Out of that hopeless attempt has come nearly all that we call human history—money, poverty, ambition, war, prostitution, classes, empires, slavery—the long terrible story of {woman} trying to find something other than God which will make him happy.”
This blog is short and doesn’t have much to do with the World Race. I thought I’d share because my prayer moving forward into this season of preparation is that I would stay hungry for God. I pray that I will not try to fill my brokeness by focusing on trivial things who’s affections may feel momentarily satisfying (boys, work, money, netflix, sleep, or even pizza) but instead to allow myself to sit in the wake of whatever emptiness I may feel, and to actively seek the Lord. It may mean waiting the extra 20 minutes, but I know it will be worth it. I pray that I will emulate Psalms 42:1 in my own way.
“As the deer longs for streams of water, so my soul longs for you, Oh God.”
or, perhaps more appropriately…
“As Rachel longs for pizza after a long day with no dinner, so my soul longs for you, Oh God.”
