Now that the word has spread about my upcoming trip, I repeatedly get asked “are you SO excited for your big adventure?” YES. The answer is yes, but I’ve felt that it’s important to also let people know that I am also so, SO scared. There are nights where I almost convince myself that I shouldn’t go. I’m scared that I won’t be able to fundraise the money in time. I’m scared as I watch my relationships change. I’m scared that I won’t know what to do when I come home. I’m scared that I will be a completely different person when I’m back.
But that’s the point. The Lord is drawing me out of my comfort zone. I WILL be changed. My relationships WILL transition. I WILL have to rely on God for my funding. It’s scary, but I’m walking with him through that. I’ve been explaining it to people like this: Before acceptance and committing, I was dating the World Race. When doubts came up, they felt crippling. Now that I’m all in, it’s more like a marriage. I am much more scared, but I am able to work through these fears because I’m all in. I’m ready to say yes.
All of this has been reminding me of an incredible experience I had as a Christian Kamp Kounselor (yes, it’s with a K on purpose, at the duece it goes down, and I miss y’all so much) at Kids Across America two summers ago. I had between 6-12 Kampers each week, and one of my favorite parts was their experience with “tree tops.” This was an obstacle course raised high up in the trees on Kamp’s property. We took all our kampers to tree tops, and they had an option to participate or not. Once they chose to go and got all harnessed up, they had to finish the course. It was called “challenge by choice.” It caused some serious tears as these 13 year old girls realized how high up in the air they actually were, how much strength some of these challenges would take, and how long the journey would actually be. They were so scared, but they all made it! And, not surprisingly, they were all SO glad that they did. Later in kamp, one of the leadership team members known as “Chips” gave a devotional about what it looks like to be “challenged by choice” in our faith. He reminded us that in life and in our faith, we won’t always know all the details of what we’re getting into when we say yes to God. But we do know that it’s more significant than what we’d otherwise do. We know that it will be worthy of our time and attention. We know that the best place we can be is where he’s called us to be. I can’t turn back now. I’ve felt the pull, and I can’t go back. Even when I feel incapable, terrified, or unsure. I have been challenged by choice, and I’ll complete the course set before me.
