Growing up, I believe I always had a soft heart for "the least of these" When my family would visit the city of Chicago, I would feel bad for the homeless people begging on street corners and want to help them. I thoroughly enjoyed the euphoric feeling of helping people on the handful of domestic mission trips I went on as a teenager.
In 2006, I heard that a Christian group at my college was going to Kenya, and I looked up their trip online. There was a picture of a beautiful smiling African child. And that is pretty much what did it for me. Kenya has been ingrained on my heart ever since.
I did everything last minute, and set off for Kenya terrified and having no idea what to expect. (If you go by the book, this is not how to do missions by the way!) On June 13, 2007, I boarded a plane by myself to go overseas for the very first time! And from there it ceased being me and was all God (it probably was all along).
During the month I spent there, I stayed with a wonderful host family and volunteered as a teacher in a nearby school. I fell in love with the place and the people there. My last day there, I began saying, "When I come back" instead of if. I was given the opportunity to return for 6 weeks in the summer of 2009.
The second time I went to Kenya, I felt much more prepared and confident. I planned to stay with the same host family. This time, when I boarded the plane, my Dad was with me, which was amazing and there was a lot of security in not being alone.
It turned out that we were not able to stay with my host family. I was frustrated and disappointed to hear this, but it was at this point I let go. I let go of my expectations and of trying to control everything and being in a constant state of worry (for the most part).
Alone in a strange land with no conveniences and comforts of home and little control over my situation, I figured my choices were to completely freak out or choose to trust God. Despite occasional moments of freaking out, overall this was such a precious time between God and me. We were tight. I was clinging to Him for dear life. I learned to let go, and not worry (hakuna matata!) because things work out, and even when they don't that's ok too. I learned that possessions and circumstances have nothing to do with having joy of faith.
After I came home, I swore to not forget the things I learned. I wanted to stay close to God even after I left. I promised to not take anything for granted. I was filled with joy. But in the time following both of my returns to life in America, I found it was so easy to slip back into the norms of our culture. Consumerism, complaining, laziness, self-reliance, entitlement, taking things for granted.
Over time, I stopped marveling that hot water came out of my sink and to be grateful for everything I had. I started complaining again, wallowing is needless self-pity, filling the void in my heart with junk. I slipped away from God. I stopped spending time with Him. I no longer had to pray for my protection and safety, so I didn't pray at all. When I tried to read the Bible, it seemed dry, and church felt disconnected. There were times I tried to get back on track, but overall I missed the closeness God and I had in Kenya.
After studying passionately for 4 years to become a teacher, I graduated in 2008, full of optimism and excitement about having my own classroom. My 2 years of teaching were full of stress, disillusionment, trials, and disappointments. Yes, there were positive moments but overall I did not feel fulfilled the way I thought I would and began to wonder what God's purpose was for me; all of my manmade plans had fallen apart.
In the midst of an extensive job search, Kenya and missions were still on my mind and in my heart. I have always wondered if I am called there long-term, or if I could fall in love with another country the way I did in Kenya. So when I stumbled on the World Race website while doing an internet search, I thought it would be an ideal opportunity for me to get a taste of different cultures and the mission field.
I received two job offers teaching preschool, one in Virginia and one near my hometown, and I grappled with the societal pressure to just take any job in this economy. I had envisioned relocating for a job as a possibility, but this scared me, so having the option to stay in my comfort zone was a viable option too. Meanwhile, I had been accepted for the Race.
I visited both schools, and felt God steering me away from them, I could have muscled through and worked either place and been a blessing to those kids, but ultimately it was not the right fit. When began telling people about the Race, they said I should seize the opportunity while I had the chance. And I had to agree that if I don't do this now I think I will regret it for the rest of my life.
I hear the roar in my heart that there is more to life than the status quo. I am tired of not knowing who I am or what my purpose is. I want God to radically transform me so I can fully serve others. So here I am, going on The World Race! There are moments that this completely energizes and excites me, and others when I feel terrified and panicked. But I am trusting that God has me here for a reason and can do great things in me and through me with this experience.
