I don’t know her name. But she left an impression on my heart that needs no label. It was at an orphanage in the Ukraine. The “invalid” orphanage that doesn’t leave my thoughts. I had written a blog about it during that time… but now she doesn’t leave me… and I write this to her. Something she will never read, and even if it were read to her… she wouldn’t understand it anyway… for her all the same.
When she smiled something lit up in my heart.
Her laugh was sweet and innocent. The only thing she had.
I sat and held her.
Her body was stiff for some reason, I don’t know her condition. But I held her close.
I hugged and prayed for her. I fell in love with her.
She held me tight and the thing that haunts me as I knew it would when it was happening was this.
The whisper of her breath on my neck.
The words that she was saying. I had to have translated…
She said to me… over and over and over and over.
“You are my momma, don’t go anywhere.”
It BROKE my heart.
I wondered as I held her, as she said this… is it better that she feels this, that I hold her and memories come back of her having a mother and being held? Or would it be better she doesn’t feel this and forget. To not drudge up feelings and a sense of loss, missing something she doesn’t have.
I put those thoughts aside, and decided she needed to be held. She needed to be loved, to be shown she is special and wanted.
Especially, when I asked her name… and the nurse said, she doesn’t have one, that it doesn’t matter, they don’t understand it anyway.
It killed me. She was made perfect, for whatever God has for her.
I will never understand how He works, and why things happen, don’t happen etc.
But I do know this.
He loves me enough to give me experiences where I can feel His heart.
I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t want to cry. I just wanted her to feel love.
Lord,
Thank you for that day with your daughter. Father I love you so much and I send my prayers, and thoughts to the little girl, that lays in the same bed day after day. I ask that you continue to give her joy and send more people there to hold her. Father I pray that touch is not a distant thing from her. That there are many more mother’s that come in to hold her and to show her how lovely she is. I know you have named her… I know her name is in the Lamb’s book and I thank you for that.
Jesus. Lay next to her in her bed, send angels to dance around her, Holy Spirit give her shows of fireworks and Your colorful personality. Lord, my good and gracious God, THANK YOU. I pray I see her again. In Your Name Jesus… I pray this for her…. AMEN.
