Warning: this blog is honest and may be filled with some gory details – it could be uncomfortable, but it is REAL. The first week of my ministry here in Nsoko, Swaziland is to do home visits with a beautiful young girl named Maswane. Maswane is in her last stages of life, suffering from AIDS and she is only 19 years old. Her innocence was taken from her at age 15 – when her uncle and possibly her brother raped her. She contracted the HIV virus and now 4 years later, she is dying. 2 months ago, Maswane could no longer walk and now she lies on a mattress that was donated to her – all day and all night. She can no longer turn and she constantly lays on her back, unable to move almost any body part.
Today was my second day with Maswane and it was as heart wrenching as the first time, but not quite as shocking. The first time I saw her, Pastor Gift wanted us to pray for her and I sobbed as I saw her body underneath the blanket. Pastor Gift explained to us that he was in no way trying to expose Maswane, but he wanted us to see the reality of what is happening in Swaziland. He pulled back the blanket and several of us could not hold back the tears as we looked at her ravaged body. I have never seen a person with leprosy, but I imagine that the condition of her skin is what people with leprosy look like. Her skin is literally falling off of her body and she smells like she is dying. Her room smells like rotting flesh and seeing it is the most unbelievable thing my eyes have ever seen. Today, Anna Barnes & I (who are doing the home visits with Maswane this month) were asked to help change her diaper. Because Maswane cannot get up or move at all, she has to wear diapers and she has to tell the ladies who are watching her – she needs to have her diaper changed. Anna & I literally had to hold her legs up, while she was in excruciating pain, and try to change her diaper without putting her in any more pain. We also found out today that because she has not been to the hospital (and really at this point, there is no reason for her to go), they are completely out of pain medicine for her. I could not believe that she has NO pain medication – not even Tylenol. All I could think about is that this would never happen in America. I just want to get her to a place where they can remove all of the rotting flesh off of her body, cover her in lotion (the skin all over her body, except her face, is so dry that it is cracking and bleeding), and pump her full of pain medicine and fluids to keep her at ease as her body gives out. I have only known of 1 person in my whole 25 years of life to die of AIDS and I was so young, that I do not know really any of the details of what happened with him. This is everywhere here – 47% of the people just in Nsoko (which is probably ¼ of the size of Groves, Texas) have been officially diagnosed with HIV … this does not account for the people who have not been diagnosed.
The reason I titled this “Gloves, Diapers, & Condoms” is because those are the 3 items that I have seen around Swaziland that are FREE and can be found in the stores. Because of the outrageous amount of people who are dying of this disease, they have to make those items free to the people, so that they can take care of the family members in their last stages of life. At first, when we saw all of the boxes of condoms everywhere – it was kind of a running joke between us, but you quickly realize how important it is to have Free condoms here – when you see someone who is dying because there was no protection for her. I am overwhelmed by the condition of Maswane’s body and I want to do whatever I can do to help her and to make her get better … but there is nothing I can do except pray. Knowing that she is out of pain medicine is a nightmare, because sitting through even 10 minutes, watching her cry and her body shake in pain, was more reality than I want to see ever again. We were able to leave her some ibuprofen and hopefully will be able to get some other minor pain killers to her and just PRAY that God will ease the pain – and regardless of how she physically feels, that He would show her that He is with her and that His love would be present. I am learning that I need to now trust God in the things that I have always seen with practical answers. He is the God of the impractical and I need to trust that even though, she is dying (which Pastor Gift told me tonight could take up to another year), that God can ease her pain and that HE LOVES HER AND HE IS WITH HER!! That even though this disease is HORRIFYING – God is good and He is always good!
“In this world, you WILL have trouble: but be of good cheer, for I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)
“An average view of the Christian life is that it means deliverance from trouble. It is deliverance in trouble, which is very different. If you are a child of God, there certainly will be troubles to meet, but Jesus says do not be surprised when they come. God does not give us overcoming life; He gives us life as we overcome. The strain is in the strength.” (My Utmost For His Highest – August 2)
* Please be in prayer for Maswane and for Anna Barnes and I as we minister to her. Please pray that the Holy Spirit would come in power and that God would help us to love on her and to cry with her. I am so thankful for your prayers and I promise that God hears them and they make a difference on this end!
