February 12, 2013
Holy cow! I can’t believe it’s been a year!
A year since I stepped on an airplane in my hometown to go halfway across the world to Africa.
Africa… a place that I have always heard of, but never thought that I would actually step foot on.
To tell you the truth, I never even dreamed of going there… much less living there for a month.
Thinking back on it now, I don’t even remember the whole road I took to get to Uganda.
I remember how it started; I was a 19 year old who went to a missions event at the church she was attending and, by the end of that day, filled out an interest/information form for the church’s upcoming mission trips.
After that, it’s all kind of a blur. I remember bits and pieces of the journey (the parts that I grew from), but I can literally say “I did my part and God took care of the rest.” He kept opening doors, working in hearts, providing for my needs, never left my side when Satan would attack. Seriously, as I write this, I’m just still in awe.
I have NO idea how I got to Uganda. Yes, I fundraised. Yes, I filled out forms. Yes, I did this and I did that. But HOW ON EARTH DID IT ALL WORK OUT?
Looking at it from a human standpoint, there is no possible way for a person in my situation (especially financially) could live oversees, in a place I’ve never been to, for a MONTH.
But that’s the beauty of faith. That’s the beauty of believing in Him. That’s beauty of, not only believing, but having a true relationship with the Creator of the universe.
You don’t have to understand how things will or did work out. You don’t have to worry about the past, the present, or the future.
All you got to do is trust Him with your life and enjoy the ride.
Yes, I know. That’s very hard to do. Trust me. I’ve been there, done that. And at times, I go back to being there.
Just like with this World Race trip. To sum up how I feel about it: I’m insane! I have no idea how it’s going to work out. $12,500 to live in 3 different regions of the world for 9 months… yep, I’m insane.
And just like with my everyday life, it’s sometimes hard to trust him and have faith; with everyday job situations, with my future career, with the decision of going back to college or not in the future, and even everyday decisions of where I should go or what I should do.
Ready for some real talk?
To be honest, I have lost a lot of faith lately. Yes, I still believe in God and His Son and still want to please Him, but my sense of wonder and “child-like” faith has gotten so small. There are times where I feel like I once did, but not long after those times I’m back to being faithless.
The thing is, I know in my mind what my problem is.
I have been trying to please people. I have been trying to “prove” myself to the world. I have been trying to feel “good enough” and to feel accepted by others. I have been trying to find the love that I know only God can give.
I know it in my head, but I’m not letting my heart be affected like it needs to be. I’m not letting a true love encounter happen between me and Him.
*Interesting side note: This blog post was supposed to be all about Uganda but as I kept writing God kept speaking to my heart. He kept showing me all the yuck that’s inside me at this moment.*
I have been missing, wanting, and needing the heart-to-heart connection with my Father.
Admitting all of this just goes to show how imperfect I am. I am a sinner and I fall short just like everyone else. This post also shows that God never gives up. He never leaves you. He is always right by your side waiting to guide, encourage, remind, and love you just as you are.
He can and will use your past for good. God used my Uganda trip to teach me so much in the past and I never would have thought he would use it right now at this point in my life…. A year later. But he did and is continuing to.
I stepped out in faith and look what He has done with it! That’s just the start of what faith can do!
“For we walk by faith, not by sight.” ~ 2 Corinthians 5:7
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make straight your paths.” ~ Proverbs 3:5-6
“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” ~ Hebrews 11:1
Attached is a video I made of my Uganda trip. I hope you enjoy it!
