Here I am, Lord. More broken than ever in a tiny little town in the mountains of Guatemala.
It’s month 9 and I can NOT do the World Race anymore.
But I know YOU can.
If You want me to continue this journey, I need You every step of the way. I think You are inviting me to give up control because the only way I’m going to finish this Race is with You carrying me.
I need You to give me a peace that surpasses all understanding. When my whole world feels like it’s in turmoil and my (usually) stable emotions fail me.
I need You to keep me safe and physically healthy. Choosing to reside in areas ruled by mosquitoes can be terrifying once you’ve almost died of malaria. Lying down to sleep in houses without locks on the doors or flying around mountain roads in a chicken bus can be daily exercises in trusting You for security.
I need You to be my constant when everything is changing. Countries, cultures, languages, time zones, ministries, and the family that I call my team. Not much stays the same on the World Race and yet You are the same yesterday, today, and forever.
I need You to give me the strength to face each new day.
I need You to give me the courage to face the pain and brokenness staring me in the eyes. I’ve seen hungry children in the slums of Nepal, girls my age selling their bodies in the bars of Cambodia, monks devoting their lives to Buddha in Thailand, Mayans in Guatemala making sacrifices to idols, and special needs children abandoned in Uganda. It’s overwhelming to know that I can’t save everyone or fix all the world’s problems. But you see and love every hurting person.
I need You to give me grace to offer my teammates. Living life, doing ministry, and constantly spending time with the same people for months on end isn’t always easy. My teammates are my sisters, and I know you’ve called me to love them even deeper and better.
I need Your light to permeate my darkness. The darkness threatening to overtake my soul and the tangible darkness from living in a place without electricity.
I need You to restore my sense of adventure. So the things that have become ‘normal’ will regain their sense of wonder. That cultures would be appreciated for their unique qualities and travel experiences would no longer feel cliché even though we’ve been doing this for the last 9 months.
I need You to give me respect for an authority that I’m struggling to trust.
I need You to flood me with patience. When wi-fi makes connecting to loved ones at home a constant battle. When the schedule changes for the 15th time or there never even was a schedule in the first place.
I need You to remind me that I’m seen and known when I can’t help but feel alone in a crowd of 38 people.
I need Your love to fill me so I can pour it out onto every beautiful, hungry soul that crosses my path.
When I’m feeling dirty because there’s no water to shower, sore from sleeping on the floor yet again, or frustrated by the ‘bombas’ that wake me up at 4 am, remind me that I have the power of Your Holy Spirit dwelling inside me.
We were not meant to do this alone or by our own strength. It’s quite impossible actually. So this is my prayer, Jesus. That I would finish the World Race, but only through Your strength. I am giving up control and boasting in my weakness, because I know that’s where Your power can shine through. That You may be the one receiving all the glory.
Gloria solamente a Dios
Amen
