Statistics Say…

 

Statistics say that on average, girls cry 5 times or more a month. Well… I think I might have ruined that statistic b/c I would say  I have cried at least 31 times in January and it’s only the 20th. Actually, I think I cried 5 times yesterday. 

I have cried over: 

the pure excitement about doing God’s work

the amazing people who have supported this journey

the hundreds of racer’s blog posts I obsessively read

God’s amazing love

Worship songs at church

the anticipation of what is to come

the sadness that I feel when I think about not seeing my nieces and nephews for 11 months— seriously I just have to look at them and I have tears in my eyes 

The list could really go on for quite a while…

 

But the thing that I have cried about the most is the feeling of not being enough. 

I’m not good enough at sports

I’m not smart enough

I’m not pretty enough

I’m not funny enough

I’m not a good enough teacher

I’m not a good enough friend

I’m not good enough to be friends with

I’m not a good enough daugther

I’m not a good enough sister

I’m not good enough to fall in love with

I’m not good enough to marry

I’m not a good enough Christian

I’m not good enough to lead prayer

I’m not good enough to go on the world race

I’m just not enough

 

Unfortunately, this is a lie I have believed to be true most of my life and one that creeps back in way too often. Especially lately. I read all these past/current/future racers blogs and talk to my squad mates and I can’t help but feel completely inadequate. When I start feeling this way then I stop trusting in God. When I stop trusting in God then the feelings just intensify. When the feelings intensify then I feel completely broken.

 

So last night I went to Passion City Church feeling broken and simply not enough. I left feeling hope because I was reminded that “The Lord our God is ever faithful, never changing, through the ages.” How is it that I forget this so often? How can I believe all these lies about myself but forget the one truth I know to be completely true? God loves me even in my imperfection and in His eyes I will always measure up. All I have to do is look in the Bible and see these intimate messages from God to us

Wow… we have a Heavenly Father who loves us more than we could ever imagine

 

So here I am… just a girl who is learning to walk with God, learning how to know Him intimately, and trust Him wholly.