This is the scariest blog I have ever written. It is scary because I’m about to tell the worldwide web my deepest, darkest secret. A secret that very few people outside of my D squad girls know. I’ve kept it a secret because I felt ashamed, I didn’t want to be labeled, I didn’t want anyone’s pity, and I sure didn’t want anyone to think I was different. But now it is something I can’t keep hidden anymore. WHY? Because people need to know about God’s redemption and restoration. They need to know His faithfulness. They need to know that He will reach into the darkest places within us and bring light. Someone/ many people need to hear what I have to say and know that they are not alone.
To all my friends and family that I never told and are reading this post, I’m sorry for not telling you.
So here it is- my deep, dark secret- when I was 22 I was raped.
Please don’t feel sorry for me. I’m still me. The same person I was before you read those 3 words. Trust me, I’ve been through all the emotions and feelings- the numbness, the feeling of dirtiness and shame. I spent time being afraid of every guy I saw. I spent a lot of time blaming myself. I was embarrassed and felt weak. I spent a lot of time drowning in darkness BUT that’s not why I’m writing this. I’m writing about it to glorify God. WHY? Because He met me in that darkness. Slowly, He began to show me the light. It took some time but piece-by-piece He began to fix the brokenness that I felt. He spoke truth and love all over my life. God wouldn’t let me let the past define me. He whispered, “I loved you at your darkest.” (Romans 5:8) He gathered me up in all my shame, brokenness, sin, and He gave me life and joy. So here I am… proof that God is good, God is love, God forgives, God restores, and God redeems. I am no longer that broken Rachel that I was a few years ago, heck even a few months ago. I am now made new and whole in Jesus. And God gets all the glory!
My team and another team are in Chiang Mai, Thailand this month. We are working with Lighthouse in Action. A large part of this ministry will be bar ministry. We will be going out into the bars to build relationships with the girls and just show them God’s love. In order to do this, we will have to buy them drinks. We would also love to be able to take them out to breakfast, lunch, or out to do fun activities. Building relationships with the women is key to bar ministry but this will not be possible without financial support. If you feel led to help out, please let me know or donate to our team paypal account- [email protected]
You guys are wonderful and I am so thankful for your support!
