I felt sort of out of place, a litte uncomfortable truth be told (for anyone who knows me this probably sounds like a forgien concept. Me? uncomfortable in a huge group of new people? this is what I thrive in.) that night I zip up my tent, I pray, I cry, I go to bed. I already missed my friends and family. I asked God what I was doing here
REALLY? Day One? Get me out of here.
The next few days are a process for me. My strange sense of lonliness in a group of 53 incredible
men and women my age starts to lead to brokeness. Before you start to pity me, or think that I want your pity, I want you to understand that this is a good thing. My brokeness was leading me to a place where I began to ask God some questions, I began to depend on HIM more for my comfort and I started to see how HE alone supplies my needs and satifyies my desires, and is my answer.
My life felt like a wave.
One minute I was at an emotional and spiritual high, the next my world came crashing down. But somehow every time I hit that low I knew that God was trying to take me into the depths. He wanted to show me how to say to my own soul "peace be still" and to learn how to better trust what HE is doing in my life.
He started to show me things that seem so unrealistic:
"….And they were astonished beyond measure, saying, “He has done all things well. He even makes the deaf hear and the mute speak."
I witness a deaf man hear.
I know what its like to be healed, because we prayed and HE healed my foot.
Romans 10:15 "Beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news."
Seriously? miracles? did i really even believe in something so radical. My brain said it was true but I'm not so sure my faith followed suit.
I was living in the shallow waters. Get me out of here.
It was nearing the end of the week and I had fallen totally head over heels in love again with Jesus. Its hard for me to explain how but I felt a freedom I never had before. I remember thinking to myself that I thought I was joyful, and I thought I was free, I thought I knew him so deeply, there are inphathomable depths to this.
My heart started to understand things my head had known for a long time.
I should mention that it didnt take long for that feeling of isolation to wear off, but it had been a necessary tool to bring me to my knees. I love my squad, and my team, and I'm excited about this journey with them.
We grew so much together.
Im just scratching the surface of what happened to me last week.
I feel like it is practically impossible for me to sum of my experience in this blog, Its difficult to even try…
Im ready and excited to go to the nations for Jesus & to go with these women.
Are we still in America? GET ME OUT OF HERE!
