I gazed wide eyed and in awe of what beauty laid before me. As I stood on the edge of the boot beaten trail I saw, ice blue water rushing over massive boulders with white foam bubbling creating the aftermath of the powerful stream. Pine trees covered multiple mountains hovering overhead and surrounded me as if I were in a coliseum. I was circled by mountains. I couldn’t see where one ended and the others started. Bridging a gap between the two mountains was a double-hung metal bridge where pack mules and trekkers continued their journey upward, scaling the next mountain, pressing one step closer to base camp.
I gazed at this beauty in shock–this was real life and I wasn’t just staring at a “World’s Prettiest Places on Earth” calendar. Earlier that day I was asking myself the question, “What outrageous dreams do I have?” For years I haven’t been dreaming of anything bigger than what I can see. Upon finishing Bob Goff’s book, Love Does, the drive was fueled again! I wanted to start dreaming outrageous dreams and doing things I am humanly incapable of doing.
To shoot it to ya straight, it’s hard to admit the state of comfort and dullness I have been emerging myself in. I wasn’t recognizing my unwillingness to try new things, because I was preferring safety as a place of comfort. I hadn’t realized my hesitation was placing my reliance on my fear of failure. I was comfortable. And I was comfortable being comfortable.
This particular day I was thinking about my years prior to the race. Almost 4 years ago I was engaged to be married. We had dated for 5 years and were ready to start a life together. A few months before the wedding, I was thrown into a sea of unrest and decided to call off the wedding. I couldn’t explain it to anyone, yet everyone wanted an explanation; however, the overwhelming peace flowed from continuing my journey. Solo. Single. And slightly confused. But at peace.
What outrageous dream do I have?
From corner to corner, all I could see was God’s beauty. The rawness of who he is was displayed before my being. I felt vulnerable, which if you’ve read my prior blogs, is not in my “Top 100 things I enjoy doing” category. But the rawness I felt from the Lord was the rawness I wanted to give back.
Out loud I said, “My dream 4 years ago was to be married to the man I was in love with”. It just came out without even realizing what I was feeling. It shocked me and I guess I assumed it would shock God as well. Nope.
With the utmost pouring of tenderness, God so gently nudged me,
I know that was your dream. But now you’re living my dream for you.
Every particle of explanation I thought I needed for the breakup had vanished. Vaporized into thin air (quite literally in that altitude). Tears started welling up in my eyes and nearly overflowed. In that moment I felt it. I felt the physical touch of a father patting his daughter on the back saying, “I am proud of you”.
Leaning on my faith, I was catapulted into a new dimension. Although all the pieces to the puzzle weren’t visible when I broke off the wedding yet, God could see all of them. I felt as though I was walking blindly into a snow storm, while trudging down Mt. Everest with no poles and no Cliff bars. (Okay that might be slightly dramatic.) But you get the point. It appeared to be a risk for some people.
But to me, it was safe. It wasn’t a risk because it was my faith. I had HIS peace. Constantly overwhelming. Never changing. Always reliable.
Thank you, God, for speaking to me in unique ways. Thank you for blowing my dreams out of the water with your superior dreams.
And thank you for always having 20/20 vision when I feel like Velma from Scooby Doo, on my hands and knees looking for my missing glasses again.
