So it’s been nearly three months since I was accepted to take part in the World Race, and I still can’t believe that God has called me to be a part of something so huge! After all, I’m just a fashion graduate who doesn’t even know how to pitch a tent and still isn’t taken seriously any time I step into a REI or North Face store, and I’m supposed to live out of a backpack for 11 months?! This doesn’t even make sense.
I knew from the beginning that this trip would probably turn into the biggest challenge of my life, but my excitement and enthusiasm for the journey that lies ahead clouded any and all negative thoughts. The reality of the situation was pushed to the back of my mind. Now here I am TWO DAYS from training camp, and it is all setting in. Insecurities have made their grand entrance, and I find myself torn between states of joy and sorrow, fearful of the unknown.
A part of me is so extremely pumped to begin this journey, meet my new World Race family, and see what God has in store for my life (I know it’s going to be good – better than anything I can imagine). The other part of me hears these daily whispers (sometimes screams) of doubt and discouragement that make me want to hold tight to the comfort I have here in San Francisco and never let go. I’ve established a deeply rooted life here with beautiful people that I can’t imagine existing without.
As I lay in bed the other night, the thought struck me that I may never live in San Francisco again. I mean, I am completely in the dark to God’s plans for my life post-race – I don’t know where it is that I’ll be calling home, and that scares me. I’ve been a little panicky these past couple of days, thinking that I must take in as much of this awesome city as I can before it’s too late (I never even got to stalk the Tanner house)!
I’ve come to realize, though, that I’ve been praying for God to deepen my trust and faith in Him, and He is doing just that. It’s so easy for me to let insecurities take over and forget that He is in ultimate control, but the Creator of the Universe chose me (what?!) to help spread His love and good news to the world! There’s no denying that leaving this life behind (whether it be temporarily or permanently) will ultimately be inexplicably rewarding. That guy. He’s got my back. And I am humbled by His constant flow of grace and love, and that, my friends, is an amazing feeling.
“But I will trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.” Psalm 13:5
